This morning I was listening to Elder Eyring,
and one of the things that stuck out to me
was he said something along the lines of
knowing your weaknesses is a blessing.
I once had a visiting teachee who asked for my advice,
and I gave it to her,
and she didn't like what I had to say.
Part of being a visiting teacher is to watch and care for
the sisters that are put in our charge.
To love and help them,
physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
If we can, or if they allow us to.
I know that what I said was right,
I did apologize later for how I said it because I was blunt,
and she asked that I not come back.
I think one of the lessons we need to learn
is that we all have weaknesses, we all have trails,
we all make mistakes, and we are all going to fail.
And it's okay.
Or at least it can be okay,
if you don't let it destroy you.
You have to be open,
to see your weaknesses and where you're failing.
If you don't open your eyes, or your ears,
or your heart,
how will you ever know?
Today Sarah tells us about Clare Booth Luce.
While you read, think about how maybe you are a little like her.
Do you look successful on the outside
but feel like a failure inside?
Start Quote
In the eyes of the world, Clare...was one of the most successful women in the twentieth century. She was a playwright and author, a two term Congresswoman, and Ambassador to Italy. She was also a mother and the wife of publishing magnate Henry Luce, cofounder of Life and Time magazines.
But this extraordinary woman confessed that she often thought
"if I were to write my autobiography,
my title would be The Autobiography of a Failure."
Now I ask you,
if Clare...felt this way about herself and her brilliant career,
what hope is there for the rest of us?
Gratefully, there is a great deal of hope
as long as we stay on the path to authenticity.
Clare...felt like a failure
because she believed she had lived inauthentically,
having not followed her true calling.
"I would say my worst failure...
was a rather long-drawn-out series of relative successes,
none of which were in theater.
In other words, my failure was
not to return to the real vocation I had, which was writing.
I don't remember from childhood ever wanting to do or be
anything except a writer."
To begin with, she never wanted to run for Congress, it was entirely her husband's idea; Henry Luce was a powerful man because he knew how to wield power for his own benefit. Clare Booth's theatrical career was thriving...when she married Luce in 1935, and her play The Women became a smash hit on Broadway he following year. But her husband believed that theater was an avocation, nothing more than "night work." So, when Clare Booth added Luce to her name, she reluctantly sublimated her passion.
After two terms in Congress, she tried to resign from political life to resume her writing. Then, in rapid succession, came a series of staggering losses: the deaths of her mother, brother, and of her only child, a daughter, in an accident. For Clare...life came to an abrupt halt, and it was a long time before she felt able to continue as an active participant.
After a while, she began to tell herself,
"Maybe you're not a writer. Maybe you'll never be a writer again."
And although she did eventually write articles and books,
she never went back to her first love, the theater.
She mourned the path she had abandoned
for the rest of her life.
Clare Booth Luce's loss was a hidden one,
Carole Hyatt and Linda Gottlieb tell us in their [book]...
"Hidden failures suffer less from a sharp sense of loss
than a chronic sense of disappointment.
But they suffer nonetheless,
longing somehow to change, often as scared and ashamed
as those who have been fired.
How many people, laid off jobs through no fault of their own,
nevertheless feel they have somehow failed?
[Robbie did. The company he worked for was dissolved, and so he was let go. Even though he still had a job at the new company, he still felt like a failure. I didn't understand, but I tried to be supportive.]
How many of us feel stuck in jobs we hate, are terrified to
risk change, and despise ourselves for doing less than our best?
Often at the very moment the world is praising us, we know
in some corner of our minds
that we have failed our own best hopes."
Each one of us is terrified of failing.
But whether we risk it all or play it safe,
we cannot avoid failure - public or hidden - all our lives.
"Real strength comes from knowing we can survive,"
Carole Hyatt and Linda Gottlieb reassure us.
Failure stretches us beyond our conscious capacity
so that we can grow into our authentic selves.
This is failure's generous gift.
In life the worst thing that can happen isn't failing.
It's never having tried.
It's never having tried.
"Seen in the light, smart people can never fail."
End Quote
Isn't that wonderful?
Check out some great articles I was reading.
"God doesn’t want us to fail.
Because of Jesus Christ, no failure is final.
No fear in this mortal life need paralyze us.
Faith can overcome fear. And if we trust that it does,
we can move forward knowing that in the end,
“it will all work out.”"
"Our Heavenly Father did not put us on earth to fail
but to succeed gloriously."
And last but not least, listen to the words of a living prophet.
"Our Heavenly Father, who gives us so much to delight in, also knows that we learn and grow and become stronger as we face and survive the trials through which we must pass. We know that there are times when we will experience heartbreaking sorrow, when we will grieve, and when we may be tested to our limits. However, such difficulties allow us to change for the better, to rebuild our lives in the way our Heavenly Father teaches us, and to become something different from what we were—better than we were, more understanding than we were, more empathetic than we were, with stronger testimonies than we had before.
This should be our purpose—to persevere and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow. Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life. The poet expressed much the same thought in these words:
Good timber does not grow with ease,
The stronger wind, the stronger trees.
The further sky, the greater length.
The more the storm, the more the strength.
By sun and cold, by rain and snow,
In trees and men good timbers grow."
I hope that you'll study and ponder this,
and change your perspective on things like failure and weakness.
At the beginning of this year I had 10 piano students,
and I was driving myself crazy and my kids were driving me bonkers. You would think, 5 hours a week isn't too much to ask for three toddlers to behave, is it?
Well apparently it was.
I would whine and complain to my friend about how I couldn't handle the stress, but I didn't want to change anything. Finally my wonderful husband told me what I already knew, that I had taken too much on my plate and needed to cut half my students. I was a mother first and foremost, and my kids needed me right now during these formative years.
So I did it. I cut half my students, which ended up being two families. It broke my heart. I didn't want to do it, but I had to do what was best for myself and my family. I definitely felt like a failure, I felt like I couldn't hack it. But I told myself over and over that this was what had to be done and I hadn't failed. And after a couple weeks with only five students instead of 10, life was so much better, and I was so grateful.
When I told my friend that I had cut half my students she almost yelled for joy and relief. She told me how she had wanted to tell me earlier how worried she was about me, and she was going to say something if I hadn't come to my senses sometime soon, but that she hadn't wanted to offend me.
I wish she would have said something sooner,
because I was blind to my weakness
of trying to run faster than I had strength.
I've spent a lot of time learning how to not be offended.
Life is much easier that way.
I once heard a man say that he didn't want anyone
to point out his weaknesses, he already knew what they were.
I strongly disagree.
Now there is a right way and a wrong way to go about things,
and there's a right way and a wrong way to accept those things...
Some people have the right to say things, like friends, family,
or leaders or caregivers etc etc,
and others do not.
Sometimes it's going to hurt to hear it,
sometimes it'll hurt to give it,
sometimes you're going to be grateful,
and sometimes you'll need some time to cool off
and put things in perspective.
If it's someone who has no business saying things like that to you and they don't have good motives, you probably should avoid contact with them.
And sometimes you'll lose who you thought was a friend
because she asked you for your opinion
and then didn't like what you had to say.
Don't you think that Clare would have benefited from her husband asking her what she wanted to do? Or her friends? Instead of just accepting her career and success, what if they had noticed she was a little sad, or asked her if she ever thought about the theater?
We are human.
We have weaknesses.
We are going to fail.
And they are gifts.
Sometimes we need a little help to see them,
and sometimes we don't.
One way or another,
we will see it.
The question is when
and how will we deal with it?
And the knowledge that you and I are going to fail,
that it's inevitable,
again and again and again,
makes the knowledge that Christ will not fail us
all the more unfathomable and amazing.
***
Gratitude Journal
***
1) I'm now down to therapy every other week. And I'm getting a referral to see a psychologist? I'm so grateful that I have the time, resources and help to take care of my mental health.
2) Not taking care of your mental, emotional, and spiritual well being is like not washing your hands throughout the day and you're working in a prison or hospital where there are tons of germs and yucky things. You need to do it, or you'll get sick. Thanks for the analogy, because that makes so much sense.
3) Sick kiddos. I just had the thought today that I can't really just stay in my pajamas all day and do nothing now that Jacob is in school, and now the next few days that's all I'm going to have to do just that. Dear universe, sick kids is not exactly what I had in mind, just so you know.
4) Cuddles.
5) Ibuprofen and acetaminophen.
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