Be Kind to Yourself

Where did January go?

I saw this on Facebook, where I see most things...

I think they're right.

This last week was rough. 

Was it rough for anyone else? 
Or was it just me.

Amidst all of the good, the bad just seemed to constantly attack me...

and I let it.

Let me tell you about it.

On Monday we had a great morning! The night before the wind had blown off the top of our chimney. It was 10 or so, we were just about to call it a night, and we heard a THUMP THUMP THUMP. We went to the backyard, and there it was. Crushed. Well, what do you expect when you fall off a two story house? Since we had a hole in our roof, I had to cancel my morning plans because I needed to be home for the roof repair company. The good thing was my friend was flexible and she just came and spent the morning with us instead of going out.

And oh it was grand. The kids played. They had been asking me to paint, and I had told them we could do it on Monday when we didn't have school. They had also been asking for cookies...So it was a morning of doing everything that they had wanted to do (that I usually say no to), and boy was it messy. Of course I didn't have flour to make cookies with (where is Harold Crick when you need him?) so we improvised with a cake box cookie recipe 
(they tasted okay, and didn't look as pretty as the picture.)

The thing was, it was messy because I let them do it all themselves. 
Paint was everywhere, cookie dough was everywhere, 
and then I let them make their own pb&j sandwiches...
(everywhere might be an exaggeration)

BUT! It wasn't this messy.
Thank goodness.

And when my friend and her kids left, we all took a nap, and I passed out.

Being a fun, present mom is EXHAUSTING. 

The kids had to come and wake me up! 

And I couldn't move. The kids were playing so nicely, so I just laid there.

And that was our afternoon.

And I felt so guilty about it.
I felt so bad that I couldn't have a good FULL day, 
like I couldn't hack it.

I don't remember what happened Tuesday, 
I just remember that I tried again to be a GREAT mom.

And I succeeded!

And it just about killed me.

I paid for it Wednesday. 

I could barely keep my eyes open, I was literally a walking zombie.

A friend asked for a play date, and I was so out of it I said yes even though logistically I couldn't with early pick up. I didn't realize the mistake until I was at her door, and my alarm went off to go pick up the twins. So she offered to take the kids so I could take a nap, and I didn't want to say yes because I felt like my kids were being crazy and I couldn't put that on her. But she insisted, and I was so tired, I gave in, and went home and slept. Robbie brought home Mcdonald's, we watched Harry Potter, and we all went to bed at 8 (well, I don't know what Robbie did, because I was asleep...).

Thursday I woke up after like 11 hours of sleep feeling so good. 

I went on a walk with a friend, I took a bath, I took the kids to the park and then the Dollar Tree to pick out their valentines for their classes...I even made dinner. 

And then Friday, I paid for the awesome day I had Thursday.
I couldn't move because of that stupid walk, because I'm so out of shape!
And it was just a sad, sad, sad day.


It seemed like the harder I tried, the harder it got.
No matter what I did I couldn't have a great day 
without having an awful day after that.

But it wasn't the bad days that got me, 
it was the unnecessary guilt that I put on myself for not being what I wanted to be.

I don't know how many times I'm going to have to learn this lesson,
but I'm glad I learned it again this week.

PLEASE! Can we just be kind to ourselves?

Gosh darn it, if you wake up sad because all three of your kids are crying, fighting, whining, and yelling first thing in the morning and you didn't get a good night sleep and you just don't want to get out of bed? Well gosh darn it, be sad. Get out of bed as soon as you can and don't feel guilty about being late for school and having an awful morning. They're gonna happen, they're gonna keep happening, and if you just keep trying eventually you'll be able to handle them better. 
But not this morning.

If you need a nap everyday, gosh darn it take a nap when the kids do or put a movie on for them. It's okay to sleep with one eye open, just make sure the knives and sharpies are put away and you're prepared to clean up the cheerios they've spilled everywhere when you get up.

If you're so out of shape that you literally can't move the next day without pain even though you only did like 30 minutes of light exercise, it's okay. Just keep trying, because it's going to get better. The first week of January I didn't do anything, second week I stretched once, third week I walked once, and now we're on the fourth week and I walked once and I'm set to walk one (hopefully two) more times. And getting enough sleep and food so my body can recover. I'm getting there, even with the rough start. I can do this, one step at a time, 
even if it's painfully slow.

If you can only have half of a good day, well gosh darn it, give yourself a pat on the back because you had a good part of your day. If the other part sucks, rest and make it through because the sucky part will eventually end. The day will end and tomorrow will be a new day, a new day to try again.

I firmly believe that happiness is a choice. Depression makes that really hard, 
but even when you're sad you can still choose to accept how you feel and how you deal with it. 

Choose not to beat yourself up for how you're feeling.
Tired, sad, angry...happy...
Just keep trying. Just keep doing your best, even if your best is just surviving.
It's okay to have good days and bad days. 
It's okay to not be on the ball right now.
It's okay if you don't even know where the ball is right now.

Speaking of trying, I did do Lesson 2 of Session 1 from Positive Parenting!

I learned about why kids misbehave. 
They don't act like little monsters just for kicks and giggles.
(well, maybe sometimes it's for kicks and giggles...)
They misbehave for a reason. Every action is goal oriented, and their goals (even though they don't know them) are to feel belonging and significance, 
and to have power in their own lives.

A misbehaving child is a discouraged child.

This week I saw their misbehavior as a symptom.
I saw them asking for help, 
and that they just don't know how to say what they really need.

It really helped thinking about the three things that they need;
to give them a sense of belonging and to have an emotional connection,
to give them a sense of significance and contribution to the family,
and to give them power over their own lives.
(In matters that are appropriate for their age. 
Sorry kid, you don't get to choose your bedtime 
and you can't go to school naked...)

I can't wait to do Lesson 3 this week. 




Last week was such a difficult week we didn't do much for Come Follow Me.
But what was really nice is that the kids reminded us to just keep trying. 

I know that Satan is the one telling us 
that because we're not perfect we're failures 
and we should just give up.

But it's not true. 

Jesus always has is arm outstretched. 
He is always asking us to come to him.
He knows we're not perfect, and He doesn't expect us to be. 
He wants us to keep trying. 
So what if we haven't prayed or read our scriptures in what seems like forever...
He will never tell us not to search, ponder or pray. 
He will never say "You've really sucked lately, 
so you can just keep failing all on your own."
If a voice in your head is giving you excuses as to 
not pray, or read, or follow Him in any way,
(I'm not good at praying, I don't want to, I can't seem to make the time)
it's coming from Satan. 
Don't listen to it. 

I'm so grateful, even though we were so late to bed tonight, 
Jacob said "But what about scriptures?"

We watched a short bible story on John the Baptist and Jesus getting baptized. 
It is so amazing to teach my kids the gospel, and to see them understand
and learn to love their Savior.  






This week I'm taking it a little slower, easing into it 
instead of trying to hit the ground running. 

I hope that you will be kind to yourself;
if you need to take it slow then take it slow,
if you feel like you're failing just keep trying,
if what you're trying isn't working maybe try something else,
and whatever happens...try to be okay with it.

Because the biggest change you can make is your attitude.

I hope that life is good to you, and that you are good to you,
until we meet again.