October 18th - Loss

I've lost my grandpa and my sister.

Robbie has lost his mother's parents and his uncle.

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If we are alive, we cannot escape loss. 

Loss is a part of real life.

"Have you ever thought, when something dreadful happens,

a moment ago things were not like this;

let it be THEN not NOW,

anything but now?"

the English novelist Mary Stewart asks. 

"And you try and try to remake THEN, 

but you know you can't..." 

Today might be tough for you...

But at least you have it. 

You still have life.

A choice as to how you will live this precious day.

Don't wish it away.

Don't waste it.

For the love of all that's holy, redeem one hour.

Hold it close. Cherish it. Above all, be grateful for it. 

Let your thanksgiving rise above the din of disappointment

- opportunities lost, mistakes made, 

the clamor of all that has not yet come [and that never will]. 

And if today is so horrendous that the 

gift doesn't seem worth acknowledging;

if you can't find one moment to enjoy, 

one simple pleasure to savor,

one friend to call, one person to love, 

one thing to share, one smile to offer;

if life is so difficult you don't want to 

bother living it to the fullest, 

then don't live today for yourself.

Live it [for those you've lost].

End Quote

Isn't that beautiful?

And it's so true.

  

In my grieving process I've thought a lot about 

all of the mistakes that I made, all of the things 

I wish I could have done differently.

I wish I had been a better sister. 

One of the songs that I've loved and has 

brought me peace has been Danny Boy.

Start Quote

The summer's gone and all the roses falling.

'Tis you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow,

or all the valley's hushed and white with snow.

'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow.

O Danny Boy I love you so...

You'll come and find the place where I am lying,

and kneel and say an Ave there for me.

But I shall hear though soft you tread above me,

and all my grave shall warmer, sweeter be.

And you will bend and tell me that you love me;

and I shall sleep in peace until you come to me.

O Danny Boy, the stream flows cool and slowly;

and the pipes still call and echo 'cross the glen.

Your broken mother sighs and feels so lonely, 

for you have not returned to smile again.

So if you've died and crossed the stream before us,

we pray that angels met you on the shore;

And you'll look down, and gently you'll implore us

TO LIVE

so we may see your smiling face once more. 

End Quote

I had the opportunity to talk to my dad about our regrets, 

and there were a couple things we agreed on.

One, Shelby would never hold it against us. 

If she knows anything now, she knows that we are not perfect,

but that we loved her the best we could.

Two, because of her death, and our grieving,

we are better people.

We have tried to be more kind, more patient, more understanding,

and to savor every bit of life and live a little better every day.

Losing someone is crushing.

Living after they're gone is harder than hard.

But if you don't let the grief kill you,

you can live again and be a better person for it.

I believe that families can be together forever

because of the sealing power of the priesthood 

and the atonement of Jesus Christ. 

I know that if I keep my covenants that we will be together again.

Loss in this life isn't permanent,

it's just a separation for awhile.

lds.org

Till we meet again. 

 

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Gratitude Journal

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1) I don't know about you, but I'm so grateful that this book came into my life. I have learned so much, and every day I'm grateful.

2) Good friends. I have quite a few, and I consider myself very blessed.

3) Cleaning and doing dishes and things. Cleaning feels good. I'm grateful for Dawn dish soap, it's my favorite.

4) The kids getting dirty because they're playing and having so much fun.

5) Chickens.