For your entertainment (hopefully you get a good laugh or two), and for my memory...here's how we got Jacob.

His due date was Sunday August 4th. I had a doctors appointment on Thursday August 1st, where he checked me and said that I was dilated to 1.5 cm, and I was so excited! I thought for sure it was happening today, or tomorrow, or at the very least by Sunday his due date. I thought thank goodness this baby is going to come out on time!!! Thursday the contractions were so painful they woke me up out of a dead sleep screaming...I thought for sure I was having this baby.

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Robbie has this weird wishful thinking thing that he does. If he doesn't want it to happen, it doesn't, and if he does want it to happen, it does and it happens when he wants it to. 

For example

The day he decided he was ready to have a baby (even though we had been trying for a few months now) was the day we conceived.

He wanted a baby boy, and what does the ultra sound show? A baby boy. 

We were at the doctor's office and the receptionist asked if we wanted our next appointment next Thursday in the morning, and Robbie said it would be best around this same time for him to get off of work so I don't have to drive myself...she said that was probably impossible...and then she gasped and said "will you look at that, you can come in at the same time next Thursday". 

You are never really ready to have the baby. There is always something else to do, some project not finished, emotionally and mentally are you ready to have a newborn? I was, but he wasn't. I was having contractions Thursday...Friday...Saturday...and Sunday...I was so uncomfortable and at my breaking point thinking when will he come out of me??? I thought I was going to have whip lash with all the starting and stopping these contractions were doing. I asked Robbie if he was doing his wishful thinking yet and he gave me the look of a guilty "no". So we talked, and finally he said he was ready...and so was I...

And Monday I went into active labor and had the baby. 

If he wishes it or wants it to happen, it happens, when he wants it to happen. 

Weird right?

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Anyways, I was so excited Thursday...then less excited Friday...frustrated Saturday...and completely depressed Sunday. I'd spent the last three days waiting, partly because that was all I could do my back was in so much pain, partly because I was afraid if I did anything I wouldn't notice I was in labor (completely bonkers, right?). So many people said exercise will get him out, and I would have loved to believe me, but my back hurt after walking for more than 15 minutes, and then I had to be laying down on my side for the next couple of hours...

By Monday I decided I was going to be as productive as I could. I couldn't wait like I had waited the last couple of days, I needed to keep myself busy somehow with what little movement I could manage or I was going to go crazy. Someone said (or I read it in a book) that most women get some sort of last stretch energy the day they go into active labor...well I did and just didn't realize it. I had been as productive as I could be sitting and laying down until Robbie came to get me at 1:30pm (I had planned to vacuum and do the dishes after we got back). I started having contractions when I got in the car, so just in case we grabbed my to go bag and my car with the car seat...I thought they would just go away after an hour or so just like all the other ones had since Thursday. 

2:00pm we're at the doctors and the nurse practitioner checks my urine, my blood pressure, his heart beat, my weight (in the past week I had gained 4 pounds...that's almost a pound a day! I was drinking so much water, I hoped it was all him and water weight, and not my thighs)...We waited for the doctor to come in, and at 2:30pm he checked the height of the fundus, and as I was scooting down and putting my legs in the stirrups so he could check me I had the weirdest feeling. I said "oh, I know I didn't just pee all over you. Was that my water breaking?" Sure enough, it wasn't broken all the way, but something had ruptured. I was dilated to 2, and my contractions still hadn't let up...in fact, they were getting a little stronger...

I was so excited. Depending on what the doctor said, we were going to asked to be induced on Thursday so Robbie could spend the weekend away from work and not have to worry about it...Well, no need to ask that now! He looked at Robbie and said "Take her to the hospital, it's time." This is when I started saying the crazy things. I looked at the doctor and asked "Okay, and they'll know what to do, right?"... he gave me what was for him a dirty look almost! He then smiled and said "Yes, they'll know what to do". I laughed and apologized...that was probably a little rude...but I was so excited and nervous...and ready...and not ready all at the same time. Oh my goodness. Here we go!

We get to the hospital and into a room around 3:00pm. They hook me up to an IV (and I cried. That was more painful than the contractions had been so far, mainly because I hate needles...and then I couldn't really move my hand. I hated the feeling), hook up the contraction monitor to my abdomen and find the baby's heart beat too. By now the contractions are getting stronger and closer together. I'm laying on the bed, and I can really feel it in my back. So Robbie starts to rub, and he doesn't stop rubbing until it's time to push. 

I don't know how long it took me to get to three, or any of the other centimeters...I wasn't really looking at the clock...except around 5:00pm when they scolded me for eating. I was starving, it was dinner time, and they expected me to finish what I had started without refueling??? They were crazy, and I was pissed...

But the contractions were coming so regularly now I wasn't in the mood to argue. By then my legs had fallen asleep and were numb just from sitting and laying in the bed, and I DID NOT LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO FEEL MY LEGS. So I said no to the epidural, for some strange reason I wanted to feel every stinkin' minute of this thing. One of the nurses suggested standing up and leaning over/resting my arms on a table with a pillow on it, and that worked wonders. My labor was progressing very, very fast. Every time they checked me the nurses were like, holy crap you're at a ___ now when normally we might expect you to be a couple less. 

Standing up I was able to bear the back pain a little better. Robbie had to keep rubbing though, and every now and then put ice on my back. So of course in those hospital robes, in order for Robbie to get a good rub on, my rear was  being shown off to the world and I didn't care...until my dad and mom knocked at the door. They knocked in between a contraction, so Robbie stopped rubbing to go and see who it was...the contractions started while I heard my dad laugh and I yelled "What the hell is he doing here? Dad, go away!" Robbie came hustling back to my side to rub and through the closed door they told me they loved me and to be strong, and I said through gritted teeth that I loved them too...I did not want anyone else in that room besides my husband, because I had a feeling I was going to be showing off my body to everyone there and my dad did NOT need to see that (I don't know if he actually wanted to come in, probably not, but he just wanted me to know that they were there if I needed them). 

The other reasons that I didn't take an epidural (besides the fact that I knew I didn't like not being able to feel my legs) was one, because my labor was progressing so so fast...and second, because really the pain wasn't that bad. Everyone has said it is something to be feared, something you can't live through...but the pain really wasn't that at all. It felt concentrated in my back and in my pelvis and a little in my abdomen, and the pain was no more painful than a really intense workout (pain varying from 4-7 on a scale of 1-10) like running hills, how the pain is concentrated in your thighs and you think you won't make it to the top, but then you do and you're okay until you have to do it again, and again, and again, each time a little more tired but that much closer to your goal. 

I kept saying things like "this is all going to be worth it", and "I can stand this pain, I've gone through worse workouts, I can bare this". Robbie was fantastic, reminding me to breathe through the contractions (turns out you really do forget to breathe properly), rubbing me down (not just my back, my thighs and calves and feet and hips and neck etc) during contractions and in between them too, telling me every single time I made it through a contraction that I did a great job. Every kiss to my neck was comforting, I held his hand and leaned into the crook of his arm as I leaned over the table every contraction. 

Turns out my water hadn't broken completely. The doctor came in and popped it all the way (again, I wasn't looking at the clock, I have no idea what times any of these things happened). I didn't look because I had to be on my back lying down and the pressure of that baby on my back with the contractions was almost too much to bare, so I just closed my eyes and loosened my jaw and breathed deeply while water surrounded me. Holy crap, when my water really broke there was A LOT of fluid, it felt like someone dumped a two or three gallon bucket of warm bath water around me. Once he did that I was able to stand back up again, and they told Robbie to look for red blood and if he saw any to call the nurses in right away because that was a sign of distress. No red, just lots of water. It was so uncomfortable to have that stream every single contraction...and stream isn't quite right, trickle is definitely not right, it was like someone turned on the faucet for the entire contraction and then turned it down a little after it was done. 

One of the reasons I was progressing so fast was because I wasn't just having one contraction then a rest, then a contraction then a rest...I was having at least three back to back, and only a couple minutes of a break. 

Sometime around 8:00pm I was at an 8....and that's when the pain that I couldn't bare started. This was the pain that everyone talked about, the unbearable and agonizing pain that could not be compared to anything else on this earth. I screamed Earth shattering screams, and the contractions were so close together I didn't have any breaks. I got so hot I ripped my gown off and laid there butt naked. Several times the nurses tried to cover me up again with the sheets and I screamed at them to not put them on me, can't you see I'm hot?!!? I hit the guard rail with my hands so I wouldn't hit my husband, even though I really wanted to. I was so glad earlier when he was reminding me to breathe, but now it just sounded like he was bossing me around. I screamed at him if he told me to breathe one more time that I'd kill him, and I screamed don't stop rubbing!!! He said he didn't, and I screamed yes you did, and then he laughed after the contraction and said okay I did, I'm sorry. We tried to laugh during this whole thing, but it was really hard. During each contraction I really felt like I couldn't breathe, I was trying so hard not to scream and not to hyperventilate, but the pain was so bad and I really couldn't breathe...

I felt like I had to push. I thought that I was still at an 8 when I was at a 10, because they kept telling me I couldn't push...a part of my cervix was in the way. They kept saying they were waiting for the doctor and then I could start pushing. I screamed I don't care where the hell the doctor is, I need to push and I need to push now! During one of the contractions they pushed the rest of the cervix out of the way (I don't know how many people had their hands up in me, but there were quite a few...I'm quite done with people stickin' things into me, wherever they're stickin' and whatever it is). Once the cervix was fully out of the way they said I could start pushing even though the doctor wasn't there yet. They told me how to most effectively push, to pull my knees up to my chest, push my chin to my chest, hold my breathe to use my diaphragm to increase the pressure. During the contraction push 3 times, holding each push for ten seconds. The first time I pushed Robbie didn't say anything...that first push didn't go so well. I turned my head to see where he was, and told him I needed him. If he hadn't been there telling me to push, I don't know if I would have made it. I'm pretty sure he got offended at some of the things I said to him, even though I told him he couldn't. I'm sorry that I hurt his feelings, but really, the pain was unbearable, I lost my mind.

I was so happy and relieved that I could finally push I didn't scream any more, I didn't do anything but concentrate, and lay there. The pain was almost gone, the contractions now that the cervix was out of the way were only maybe a 4. Pushing just felt like taking the biggest bowel movement of my life. Once his head was through, they told me to relax...once his head was out the contractions stopped and I felt clean. They pulled him out, then put him on top of me...he was so ugly but he was the most adorable thing to me. I started laughing, and they took him to clean him up. He was so quiet, and wide eyed.

Born at 10:01pm, August 5th, 7 lbs 3 oz, 21 inches long.

I apologized to the nurses for my foul mouth (even though I think I only cursed three times? I still felt bad) and for yelling at them. They were so nice to me, telling me how I was not bad at all and how great I did. I got this weird feeling and told everyone that I wasn't sure if it was some strange last ditch effort, but I wasn't tired. I was just starving!!! The sandwich they brought me was the best tasting thing I've ever eaten.

All I wanted to do was get dressed...and eat...and sleep...and hold my baby boy. I thought it was funny that holding my baby boy was not first on my list...maybe because I knew I had just held him inside for nine months and this was the first time I was all by myself, and that as soon as my mom and mother in law left after the first week I was going to have him all to myself and it was probably going to drive me insane.

Nursing for the first time was crazy. Thank goodness for nurses who didn't even ask if they could man handle me, because if they hadn't I don't know if I would have figured it out. Every time Robbie said something, Jacob would pull off the nipple and look around for him. From that first moment he knew his daddy's voice.

The rest is kind of a blur. Sleep deprivation started right then and there. After the grandparents left, Robbie held him while we waited for them to move me. They said it was going to be soon. An hour later, they said they were going to move me soon. I told him to get his butt home, I'd be okay...my poor puppy hadn't peed all day and even though it looked like I did all the work I knew Robbie was exhausted too. There wasn't much he could do to help me nurse, which is what I'd be doing all night, so we figured he might as well get some good sleep.

I woke up maybe 30 minutes later to this crazy crying! It was the most noise I'd heard my baby make in the 3-4 hours he'd been born. I was so happy to hear him, even though I had no idea what in the world he wanted. We tried nursing, and it worked! Every time nursing didn't work it was the most frustrating and depressing thing ever, and every time it did it was the most joyful and fulfilling feeling ever.

We did have a scary moment that morning...I really didn't like my night nurse...I all of a sudden passed these huge blood clots (the size of a few large grape fruits)...She said I was fine, took my iv out and threw away the clots without showing them to anyone. I started to cry because I did not feel like everything was okay, I knew I was supposed to bleed but that was too much blood, and all clotted like that? I was scared, and didn't know what to do. I thank God that my pediatrician, and now Jacob's, came in not five minutes later, checked my baby boy (who was healthy as can be) and then asked me what was wrong. He went and told those nurses a thing or two. New nurses came in, gave me a shot to make my uterus start contracting (it was all out of place, and not shrinking like it should have). They had to stick another iv in me...I was okay after that, but for some reason that scared me more than giving birth, maybe because I had no idea what was going on. I was so glad Robbie was there.

We stayed one more night so they could make sure I was alright. Our pediatrician told us that they called him last night at 9:00pm to tell him Jacob had a jaundice level of 7. He said they didn't worry about jaundice until it got to be like 18...he made it into a joke, it was funny, I'm not doing it justice. I love that man.

I had nightmares about the pain of that last 8-10 centimeters. I just now (a month later) tried to remember the pain, and can't. You really do forget.

That first week was so hard. If my mom hadn't been there during the nights I don't know how I would have survived. It was like during labor, my brain was just so tired it wasn't functioning clearly. Even though I knew I had to breathe, I forgot and needed Robbie to remind me. My mom just took me through the steps...he's crying, is it a diaper, is it gas, does he need to be swaddled, is he hungry...even though I knew to check all those things, when he's crying, and you're exhausted, you just can't think rationally. And my mother in law helping during the day...how does anyone do this by themselves? I'm grateful for everyone who has helped...I didn't want to ask for help, but I really needed it, and I'm grateful for good family and friends who love and care for me. I hope to pay it forward.

Now every day is a new adventure. Every time I think he has a schedule he psyches me out...just kidding he tells me. Week number three was crazy! He was only sleeping for 2 hours, then eating for at least 30 minutes...I snapped at the end of the week...sleep deprivation really does some crazy crap to you.

I live for the four hour naps, showers, when he snuggles into me and when he smiles at me. My newest perfumes are newborn, spit up, breast milk, and the occasional leakage from the diaper.

I love being this little man's mom. It amazes me how much I love him. It amazes me how much I love my husband, and how great he is at being a dad and taking care of us. I don't know if he knows how much I love him, and how much I need him even though I've told him a thousand times. I wouldn't have been able to make it through any of this without him.

Life is pretty much amazing. I'm loving this new adventure.

He's my little monkey, I can't wait till he gets chunky!

And I can officially say I'm a stay at home mom! Sweet. 

So tired...

Hey grandpa!

Holding daddy's finger :)

I've got my eye on you...

Isn't nana just beautiful?

Great grandparents! 

First bath...didn't like it so much. But he loves them now...he just loves to soak :)

Indy is so protective. They are going to be best friends.

He's so handsome.

Sorry I'm not a big picture taker. It's the lack of a good camera, he doesn't like to be put down so I can't get a good angle, I don't look pretty and I'd like to get a few of me and him...and by the time Robbie gets home to help me take a picture if I did look pretty at one point in time it has far passed. But as each day goes by I get more and more productive, and I get better at multi tasking and doing things one handed (and better at doing things and being exhausted at the same time). So more pictures to come! And lets be honest, he's not so alien looking anymore :)

If you want to follow all my posts about my pregnancy in order, here you go.

Trying

Expecting

First Bump

Gender Reveal

Half Way Point

First Mother's Day

Thirty Weeks & Picked a Name

False Alarm

The Last Week and Pregnancy Pictures

The Last Week: Some Things I've Learned in the Last Year

Here we go, the home stretch! The doctor checked me out on Thursday and said my cervix was effacing, no dilating, and he hasn't dropped yet. Of course, as is usual, the doctor said it could come any day now, but I'll probably see you next week, but I could see you before then...Eh, ya know. Stay off your feet, drink lots of water, keep eating. I am very grateful for such a healthy pregnancy, even if it has been the most uncomfortable physical thing I've ever experienced. 

I seriously can't wait to meet him. 

Some of the things that I've learned about pregnancy, and life really...and I say some because there are a lot of things that I've learned. I've learned how to be less selfish and more self less, I've learned to love my husband in a whole new way, I've learned to listen a lot better (bed rest has not been easy)...I've learned what it feels like to be responsible for someone that is incapable of taking care of themselves...I could seriously go on and on and on...

But that's not what I want to focus on. What I'd like to focus on are the things I've learned in dealing with other people, and how to be happy when the world around me seems to be trying to bring me down. 

Everyone has an opinion, and most people are going to tell you what it is whether you asked for it or not. And the funny thing about those opinions, they often express them to you as if their's is the only right way. If you disagree, they get offended and butt hurt! It's kind of ridiculous. 

I have a funny feeling I've mentioned this before, probably because you can't change people and so whether you're graduating college and deciding to stay home and teach piano lessons, or getting married a month after you turn 20, or not getting pregnant right away (not for lack of trying), or getting pregnant and everyone telling you how to give birth or how to raise your child....................people are going to tell what they think about it.

_____________________

So here's what I've learned and what has made the hurricane of people's opinions bearable and allowed me to live happily. If any of you are having trouble with this, I hope what I've learned can help you too. 

(1)

Happiness 

If you're married, your marriage is between you, your spouse, and God. It is hard to make everyone happy, your in-laws, your own family, your friends, those who you have a responsibility to (church, work, etc)...But when it comes to your family, as in the family you chose to create and become a part of, that's all that matters. First and foremost, focus on the happiness of yourself, your spouse, and if you believe in God then Him too. If your happiness clashes with the happiness of anyone else besides those three, brush it off. 

It's hard to brush it off. I want everyone to be happy, but when it comes down to it, you can't make everyone else happy. If your happiness is in your own hands, so is theirs. They need to realize that, and unfortunately, even if you point that out to them (I don't recommend), or even if they know it, just like it's hard for you to brush it off it's probably hard for them to apply what they know. 

So first and foremost, try to make yourself and your family happy...then if you can, focus on the rest of the people in your life. Usually when you have harmony in your home, your family, your life, you'll find that you have the time, energy, and the desire to then try and make everyone else in your life happy too. Sometimes you'll fail, but at the end of the day remember that their happiness is in their own hands as your happiness is in yours. If someone is making you unhappy, forgive and forget, brush it off. Life is too short to be upset over imperfection, when we're all imperfect. Hopefully they'll do the same for you...and if not, brush it off. 

(2)

Opinions

There is a time and a place to share your opinions. If someone is asking for it, of course give it! If you're all having a discussion, then of course share it! If someone is talking to you about their opinion, and you disagree, it's okay to share that too because they are talking to you (if they don't want to hear your opinion, then they shouldn't have started up a conversation with you). 

But as we all know, people aren't perfect. I consider these three rules kind of the etiquette rules for opinions, but I find them rarely followed. People are going to tell you what you think whether you ask them to or not. The other crucial rule of etiquette with opinions should be that you don't force it on someone. If you are disagreeing with someone, you are probably not going to change their mind so don't try. When giving your opinion, give it with the attitude, consideration, and mindset that it is your opinion, and they don't have to agree with you, or even take it with a grain of salt. 

This rule should definitely apply to facebook and other social media outlets along with real life face to face human interaction. On facebook, you have your own wall, your own page. This is where you can post your opinion, with the mindset that it is yours and no one else has to agree. If you don't agree with someone's opinion, unless they've forced it on you, if it's on their wall then you have no right to aggravate or start contention or argument by forcing your different opinion on them unless they've specifically asked for it. If someone's opinion upsets you so much, then either don't be "friends" with them, or write your own opinion on your own wall. 

Now of course, this is my opinion! These are rules that I've tried to live by (of course I've failed at times, who is perfect? Certainly not me) because when I've encountered people who don't follow these etiquette rules of opinions, I've been upset and frustrated. When people don't follow these rules, it feels like they are deliberately trying to hurt your feelings. Sometimes that's true, but most of the time their only motive is to share their opinion...they just don't realize that they're being extremely rude and hurtful. This also applies to people who force their feelings on you, people who expect you to do what makes them happy even if it conflicts with what makes you happy. Of course it matters whether they are trying to make you feel guilty or not, if they are that is very wrong...But if they're not trying to make you feel guilty, it just so happens that's what they've accomplished, just brush it off. Like those giving their opinions, give them the benefit of the doubt that they just don't realize how rude they're being. Remember life is too short, you can't make everyone happy, and you can't agree with everyone. 

Follow the golden rule. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. No one likes it when someone forces their opinions or feelings on you, so don't force yours on anyone. 

(3)

I Know Nothing, Keep an Open Mind

The older I get the more I realize how much I don't know. My opinion is just that, an opinion, not a fact, not a truth...and so are everyone else's opinions. Of course you can still argue and disagree with facts or truths, but you would be wrong. Disagreeing with opinions are okay, because opinions aren't necessarily facts or truth. But remember that you know nothing, just like I know nothing, and keep an open mind. You never know when someone will say something that makes you rethink what you thought you knew or believed, and possibly change you for the better. 

But again, you are more likely to keep an open mind if people are respectful about sharing their opinions and feelings. So, according to the golden rule, if you want others to keep an open mind to your opinions then you need to be respectful when sharing yours as well. 

(4)

Always Learning

You can't learn if you're not paying attention or analyzing yourself, your situation, and what happens to you. You should always be focusing on yourself and how you act, react, behave, what you say, how you say it, what you believe. You should always strive for continual learning in everything, whether it's schooling, hobbies, or just becoming a better human being. And you don't just have to analyze yourself...evaluate others (don't judge, it's very different). Look at what they do, how they act, do you like it or do you not like it? You don't just have to look at people that you like or admire...you can learn from anyone and anything. Take what you don't like, and try to make sure that you don't do it yourself. Take what you do like, and try to apply it to your life.

(5)
You CAN'T Change People

No matter how much you would like to you can't change anyone but yourself. So if they don't understand that their opinion is not wanted, or that they are being rude in the way they are expressing their thoughts and opinions, or are trying to make you feel like you have to do what they want to you to do so they can be happy, just brush it off. Let it go. Why worry about what you can't change. This is easier said than done, but after about a years worth of practice I feel like I've gotten pretty good at it. And I have a funny feeling it will be a daily battle for the rest of my life, to learn to let it go, to brush it off.

So start today. Right now. Start with one thing that someone did or said that bugged you today or yesterday or a year ago, and brush it off. Then tomorrow, if it's still bugging you, brush it off again. When you can finally let it go, give yourself a major pat on the back and then let go of the next thing. Choose to be happy, and choose to be a good person that follows the golden rule. 

________________

Again, I feel like I've mentioned these things before, and I probably have...but being pregnant has given me a whole new insight into myself and other people. If I have mentioned these things before, then I've relearned them. Always learning right? Doesn't necessarily have to be new things that we're learning. 

I'm so excited to start this new adventure! I'm quite done with the pregnant part of the adventure, and I'm ready to have him in my arms, to love him, talk to him, sing him lullabies, take care of him...on the outside. I'm so excited to learn how to be a mom, wish me luck!

False Alarm

Breakfast date / Fulfilling cravings

I don't have cravings very often, and when I do I always weigh the cost versus the craziness of the craving. For example, I'd love to eat burgers and fries and drink nothing but diet coke for the rest of my pregnancy...but at around $5 a meal, whether I'm making it myself or getting it somewhere else, the cost of that craving totally trumps the crazy. And the nutritional cost, not the healthiest choice.

Donuts have been creeping into my brain it seems like every waking moment...and there doesn't seem to be too many of those these days...now that crazy does not trump that cost. 

Robbie has to work late tonight, so I convinced him to take me to breakfast. For unhealthy, empty calories, lots and lots of empty calories, but very delicious donuts. 

We both have fond memories  of going out for donuts before going to work on weekends, me with my dad and brother before heading up the hill and he with his grandpa. 

(when did donuts get so expensive?)

I love mornings. The whole day is ahead of you, a wonderful world of possibilities and things to do and get done. Things to learn, projects to finish and start...oh, I LOVE mornings.

I need to find more morning people, to watch the sunrise with, to go exercise with, to make breakfast with...

And summer! Gosh I love summer, and the heat. It's my favorite season. I'm a full on California girl.

Anyways...

36 weeks

So we already had our little false alarm. 

I thought my water broke in the morning, and after getting my car stuck in a parking lot (I have no idea how I got it started again) Robbie told me to go home instead of getting stuck doing errands...so I went home and slept. I woke up around 4, and had this funny feeling like I should call the doctor and tell them what happened in the morning. The doctor said go to the hospital to get checked out, just in case. If it was my water breaking, they don't want any infection to set in so they would have to deliver the baby within 24 hours. 

So we went...freaking out. Of course, it took 4 hours to be seen...just for them to stick a little stick up there to test for amniotic fluid. Well it wasn't my water breaking...

But apparently I was having some pretty strong contractions.

What? 

I felt nothing. And the monitor they had me hooked up to was showing pretty good ones...

So they stopped them so I wouldn't go into active labor. At 35 weeks, this baby boy could still use some more cooking time. And they kind of put me on bed rest.

So we get home, exhausted, me hating the hospital and doctors even more than before (that white coat syndrome is some serious crap). Turned off my phone for a couple of days so I could sleep...and sleep and sleep and sleep...

I got to thinking, why didn't I call the doctor in the morning? I think it's because I wasn't having contractions till later in the evening. If I had gone into the hospital in the morning, they would have tested negative for amniotic fluid and would have sent me home...and I might have gone into labor sometime during the night. 

Why did my car stop working all of a sudden? I think maybe to send my butt home and rest. I think that God is looking out for us, and if we listen and pay attention we'll see His hand in our lives. 

The good news is that I might have this baby next week! 37 weeks is full term, right? The other good news, I wasn't feeling the contractions...maybe I'll have an easy labor? Knock on wood right? 

But then again, if I don't feel the contractions, how will I know it's time to have this baby?

See my dilemma?

Anyways...I was surprised at how ready I was to give everything for this baby boy that I haven't even met yet. I'm so uncomfortable, and sleep practically all day, and can't do anything for more than 30 minutes without having to rest for almost twice the time I was up...When they said you might have this baby tonight I felt that selfishness rise to the front of my heart, you mean I could have my abdomen all to myself again? And almost instantly, I realized he wasn't ready yet. He wasn't full term, and it doesn't matter how uncomfortable I am, I'm responsible for this baby boy...all of a sudden I was determined to be uncomfortable for as long as he needs me to be.

My mom said something that really struck me as profound. When I think about becoming a mother, I think about teaching, I think about defending and protecting...I never thought it would be this physically uncomfortable. My mom said as a mother you're going to be uncomfortable for the rest of your life. You will be sleep deprived, you will be dirty and always have something to clean, you will worry...being uncomfortable is something no one tells you about.

I know this isn't the most eloquent of posts, but I hope my feelings somehow got across through this pregnancy haze my brain is in. 

Even though sometimes when he's turning around in there he hurts me so bad I can't keep the tears from pouring, especially at night after a full day of beatings...I wouldn't trade it for the world. I can't wait to meet him, and to experience the next stages of uncomfortableness. After all this sleeping, I can't wait to be up all night :)