Goal Update: April 11th

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Happy April to you all! 

Did you know that the first quarter of this year is gone?
Just flew by.
Three months down, nine to go.

And while that may seem like a lot, I get a little worried about my piano students who don't make much progress on their performance pieces that will be performed in December...I mean, you'd think that 11-12 months of prep time would be enough time right? I mean, I really hope so...nine more months...

What I am not worried about are my goals,
and I wanted to share my progress with you,
and make a few changes, 
because what are goals if there aren't a few changes now and then.

1) Do not touch my eyebrows

So I decided to change this a little bit. 
I couldn't do it.
They grew in! Nice and full, I never, ever thought 
that my eyebrows would look like this again.

 During Spring Break I finally threw my Prince & Princess Tea Party. Riley refuses to dress up, and I love to dress up, and so having a little girl who doesn't want to dress up with me is very sad. Then she finally put on a dress! And it was the most adorable thing ever.

I so I thought it was finally time to throw a party! 
And I wasn't going to throw a princess party without dressing up.
And I couldn't dress up all fancy and not clean up my eyebrows a bit.

 Just a little, not a lot. Pictures don't do it justice.

And let me tell you, it was super cute.

Our princes were taught how to let ladies go first, bow, 
and give our princesses flowers.

Riley refused to put on a dress.

 This isn't even all the kids! 

We made everything pretty, thanks to all the help from my friends.
I'm so glad they put up with me and instead of telling me to ignore it, they helped me finish making it pretty. And of course all the treats they brought and their adorable kids, it wouldn't have been a party without them. 

We painted nails, did make up, made crowns, ate and played. 

Riley did her own nails and make up, she refused to let me do them. And the boys did their make up too, I just couldn't say no to them.

LONG story short, I cleaned up my eyebrows for this occasion.

But of course, as soon as I cleaned them up, I started to look at them, and notice things like my eyebrows are not symmetrical. I started thinking about how I could clean them up more, make them more arched, I just couldn't stop thinking about them.

So since I've done a great job at growing them back,
my new goal is to accept them and love them,
and NOT over pluck them.

2) Read my scriptures and pray every day

This one as always is difficult. 
One of the things that I've been talking about lately with my therapist is that I'm just tired. I've been a stay at home mom for the past four years straight! Going on five years now! And not just for one baby, oh no, for three. Three, in a row. 
Back to back.

Raising three babies hardly leaves you any time to do anything else. And making time for self care is super hard, especially when you don't realize how important it is until you've had a couple of break downs.

So basically, raising three babies, and now three toddlers for four years 
basically without rest, means that I'm extremely tired. 

And when we're tired, we don't want to chew meat and potatoes. 
We want soft and yummy, like cake. Cake is good.
Scriptures and prayer = meat and potatoes. 
So when you're tired and sick, you just can't. 

And that's okay.

So I decided for the past month to do whatever the crap I wanted. 
I slept, a lot. The kids watched a lot of TV. I had Mcdonald's, like a lot. One time I had it every other day for a week, it was pretty bad. I didn't guilt myself for not wanting to play with my kids, for not wanting to hear "mom" for the hundredth time in one day. I didn't guilt myself for wanting to cry because being a good mom is really really hard, and every time I wanted to loose my crap I was just honest with my kids and told them that I needed to take a break. 

And then I took a good long break.

And do you know what?
I'm finally feeling rested.

And because I'm feeling rested, I'm more patient with the kids and with myself. I'm finally starting to exercise. And I'm finally having the desire to read and pray. 

I figured it out. You have to have enough rest.
And of course, a desire.
And when you beat yourself up about how much rest you need,
guess what! You're not resting!!! 
That stress is sucking all the rest out of you. 
If you're dead, or dead on your feet, you're not good to anyone.
Including yourself.
And no matter how much you have the desire,
you just can't if you're not rested.

Robbie and I had the same impression during conference,
we need to start living as if the second coming is tomorrow.

I know that when you bring a question to conference with a sincere heart that you will find an answer. I didn't get to watch Saturday's because we were at Robbie's parents. I got up early on Sunday and helped with breakfast and the kids, and by the time the morning conference started I needed a break. So I took a break, went and laid down, and missed that conference too. The only one I saw was the last session, and even though I only watched that one, God still answered my prayer.

I prayed for courage, for strength to be more consistent and committed 
to doing the things that I need to do and still take care of myself. 
And then I heard Elder Holland say this.

"Our prayer today is that every man and woman...
will leave this general conference more deeply committed 
to heartfelt care for one another [including yourself]
motivated only by the pure love of Christ to do so. 

In spite of what we all feel are our limitations and inadequacies
—and we all have challenges—
nevertheless, may we labor side by side with the Lord of the vineyard 
giving the God and Father of us all a helping hand with His 
staggering task of answering prayers, providing comfort, 
drying tears, and strengthening feeble knees. 

If we will do that, we will be more like the 
true disciples of Christ we are meant to be."

I know to you that might be like, what? 
But trust me, that was the answer.  

So, I think that's enough for one night.
Don't you? 

I hope you enjoy my journal. 
I hope that my musings bring joy and comfort and help you find a deeper commitment to following your dreams and completing your own goals.

This one life is all we have.
Let's go make the most of it.
Even naps. 
Enjoy and take the rest you need so you can enjoy everything else.

"Mistakes are a fact of life. 
Learning to skillfully play the piano is essentially impossible 
without making thousands of mistakes—maybe even a million. 
To learn a foreign language, one must face the embarrassment of 
making thousands of mistakes—maybe even a million. 
Even the world’s greatest athletes never stop making mistakes.

“Success,” it has been said, “isn’t the absence of failure, 
but going from failure to failure without any loss of enthusiasm.”

With his invention of the light bulb, Thomas Edison purportedly said, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.” Charles F. Kettering called failures “finger posts on the road to achievement.” 

Hopefully, each mistake we make becomes a lesson in wisdom, 
turning stumbling blocks into stepping-stones."

The rest of his talk is amazing, check it out.

Until next time...

Goal Update: March 11th

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Hello all!

Long time no see!

Or long time no talk, or read, or write...

I don't know about you, 
but I've missed me.

If you've been keeping up with me, you'll know that 
October through December of last year I was severely depressed. 
When you're depressed, you literally can't feel joy or happiness. 
You are not yourself.

It's a life sucking kill joy. 

And then January rolled around and I was ready to take on the world.
I was finally myself again! 
But wait, there's more!
I got sick. Not once, but twice. 
Stupid colds.
Then February came on by and I was trying to recover 
from a month of sickness, and I got sick. 
But wait, there's more!
March came strolling in and, you guessed it, I got sick. 

So, now that almost a quarter of the new year is over,
I'm finally ready to take on the world. 
 Unless some other sickness decides to take up residence in my home.
Dear sickness, you are not welcome.

Now I don't know how you're doing on your goals, 
but I hope you don't let the things that happen in your life 
get in the way of achieving them.

1) Do not touch my eyebrows.
So my first goal of the year is to not touch my eyebrows. 
This last month I had a small set back. Very small.

Robbie was out of town and I was all my by lonesome and the kids were driving me crazy. It was late, and I was on the computer, and all of a sudden I had an itch on my eyebrow and my fingers went up and I felt a hair out of place 
and I chose to pull it. 

It felt so good.

Too bad that it feels so good and looks so bad.

Three hairs.

Do you realize it took me three months to grow those hairs?!


But that's okay, because everyone has trials and setbacks. 
Mine just happens to be a compulsion to pull hair. 

My eyebrows are lookin' pretty good now though.


Two weeks ago


2) Read my scriptures and pray every day.

I wanted to share with you that I have not been doing very well with this one. I have had my focus on other things, things that I have deemed are more important. I get mad at God because things are so hard, and instead of turning to him I just retreat into myself and do whatever I want to do, and I don't want to read my scriptures or talk to God. It's like I'm a teenager all over again.

Last week at church the lessons were on prayer and the temple, and I was so grateful for the constant reminder that I get that this is where my priority needs to be. Because if my heart is turned to God, everything else will work out.

We've been taking the gospel principles class, and one section in particular stood out to me.

"At times we may not feel like praying. 
We may be angry or discouraged or upset. 
At these times we should make a special effort to pray 

Our sincere prayers are always answered."

I had the overwhelming feeling that God loves me, and he understands. He is perfect in every way, including being perfect in kindness, forgiveness, understanding, and mercy. The spirit touched my heart and told me that this is why we have a lifetime to learn, and I am so grateful for that. 

I felt like I just need to keep trying, every moment of every day. Making the decision to NOT read my scriptures is not just one decision, it's a whole days worth of decisions. It's choosing not to wake up before the kids, it's choosing to yell and let the kids get to me, it's choosing to do everything else first...and then waiting to read and study and ponder until I'm so tired that I'm about to pass out and I decide that I can't do one more thing. 

Etc, etc. 

It is hard. It is really hard to put the rocks in first.
But it's worth it, and it is a choice.

3) Make more time for friends

Since I was sick and my kids had the sniffles,
we choose to be kind to our friends and not spread our germs.

But we did have friends come in from out of town, 
and even though it's only the second time we've ever met,
I think she's adorable and I loved hanging out with her.

And antiquing in Old Town Clovis?
So much fun.

4) Make Chasing Shelby something great

This is happening!!! I can't claim credit, this is all my momma.
Please save the date, and please share and invite your friends!
Hope to see you there.

5) Write my own piano lesson materials

Heck yeah. This is what I've been excited about!
This is what I've been staying up until the wee hours of the morning doing.

I'm done with Unit One.

I'm so excited. I'm literally bursting at the seams!

6) Do more crafts: 
finish those t-shirt memory quilts

I'm half way done with number one!

Now I'm self taught, so it's a little rough, but let me tell you that it's so much better than the first two memory quilts I ever did.
And a lady whose quilting racks I'm borrowing is going to show me a technique she said I might like, and since I still have three quilts to go I thought I'd look up some more techniques to help perfect my skills. 

Even if I think it's rough, the lady I'm doing this for loves it, so much so she wants me to do one for her daughter, and that makes me so happy that she's happy.

7) Put things away after I take them out

Boo ya, I'm doing pretty darn good at this.
I try to start small, like after I'm done getting ready in the bathroom to take one minute to put it all away, to take that one minute to put my clothes away after I change, to take the three minutes I needed to clean up after a bath, etc etc. It is by small and simple things that great things come to pass.

8) Exercise

Yeah no, I've been sick. 
But now I'm healthy, it's back on the list.

9) Work on riding the depression waves

Yes! It helps that I haven't been in a wave...
But I have had some major ups and downs.
Literally, I'd be up one day and then down the next.
I've been riding these days well. I didn't do laundry for two weeks because I was so sick, and I didn't beat myself up about it. My kids literally had no clean clothes one day and I had to force myself to do laundry, but I didn't guilt trip myself about it. I haven't really cooked, one day my kids had three square meals of cereal, but they were fed and happy and I didn't worry about it. 

I did what I could when I could, 
and I didn't bother about what I couldn't do when I couldn't do it.

It's very liberating, being kind to myself.

10 and 11 I haven't touched, 
but I think that's okay, don't you?

Do you want to hear two really cool things before I let you go?

One, in Relief Society today we talked about coincidence.

"Elder Neal A. Maxwell once explained: “None of us ever fully utilizes the people-opportunities allocated to us within our circles of friendship. You and I may call these intersectings ‘coincidence.’ This word is understandable for mortals to use, but coincidence is not an appropriate word to describe the workings of an omniscient God. He does not do things by ‘coincidence’ but … by ‘divine design.’”

I was at church by myself with the kids because Robbie wasn't feeling well and stayed home. I was asked to sub for our choir pianist next week in Sacrament and so I needed to stay for choir after church to get a gist of what the song sounded like. How was I going to do that with my three kids? I had no idea. 

I was given three little brownies which served as treats to help occupy my kiddos, and then lo and behold my cousins walked through the door. They were going to their ward choir, which happened to be at the same time as our's. They asked me if I needed help, and of course I said yes. They watched the kids outside at the pavilion for a good half hour (it was only supposed to be 15 minutes, but I was also stopped by someone that I'm subbing for next week so I could get the low down on her calling).

Coincidence that I got three brownies and my cousins walked in the door at the exact same time I was wondering what the heck I was going to do with my three rambunctious little ones?

I think not.

I did the free webinar and I loved it. 
She promises that you'll never again yell, nag, remind or raise your voice at your kids again because you'll have much more efficient tools to use to discipline your children. No more punishments, discipline and teaching only. 

I did it, I bought the silver package. It's a 30 day money back guarantee, but so far I'm learning so much and loving it. 

I mean, that's a pretty hefty claim to make, never have to yell again?
I'll let you know how it goes. 

I hope that your year is going as well as mine has.
Good luck on your goals and living your dreams!

Also, some of the things that I'm loving lately that are bringing me joy.
I mean, just look at that little baby succulent! And the frost.

 I planted some peony's, papaver's, and strawberries. No luck on the strawberries yet, but the peony's and papaver's are starting to come up! I'm so excited. I thought since the anenome's do so well in this spot, I thought the peony's and papaver's would do well here too. The strawberries are in pots on the fence, and I keep hoping they'll grow! I moved my geraniums to the front yard because I figured that my kids and the mold kill them in the backyard, might as well give the sun a shot at killing them too.

Why hello gorgeous.

Until next time...

Update on Goals: February 12th

Monday, February 12, 2018

Keeping your goals is hard. 

Last month I felt like I was on top of the world, 
and then I realized that I still have 11 months to go,
which is comforting for the goals I'm not doing so well on
and daunting for the goals I am doing well on. 

I have a lot of goals, 11 to be exact. 
And they're not so much goals as a 
"Things that I really really want to do" list. 

So instead of telling you what I didn't do, which is a lot, 
I'm going to focus on what I did do, which is also a lot.

1) Do not touch my eyebrows. 



They are making a comeback, that's for sure.

I'm also having nightmares about them, which sucks.
I dream that someone ties me down and plucks out every last eyebrow hair. 
I wake up scared to death that I have to start all over again. 

Dealing with my trichotillomania has not been easy.
I stroke my eyebrows a lot.
But I haven't picked at them. Not once.
It used to be picking them, but in the last few years it's turned into plucking them that has been the drive and desire. It's turned into a bit of body dysmorphia, which is all new to me. But since I've decided to love my body, every little bit of it, I'm learning to love my eyebrows too. I plucked them and picked at them till they were almost non existent because of my disorder, and then it turned into not thinking they were good enough and I had to change them. Now I have a year to grow them out and not touch them with tweezers or makeup, and learn to love them, bushy and bald spots and all. 

And you best believe January 1st 2019 I'm going to clean them up and fill them in a little with makeup. But I'll never again over pluck, because if this year is going to teach me anything, it's that they are perfect the way they are and that I am beautiful. 

Do you want to hear something kind of funny that I remembered the other day? We were on a family vacation one summer, I must have been an early teenager, and someone said to me (I can't remember if it was my mom or dad, or both) that I had to do something about my mustache and my eyebrows because they were so hairy. 

I remember going and sitting in the car, looking in the mirror, looking at my face, looking at something that I had never thought was a problem before. 

To all the women out there...your hair is not a problem. 

Now I admit, I feel better with shaved legs, arm pits, and a freshly threaded face...but you have to love yourself first and foremost, hair and all. And then go shave it off if that's what makes you more comfortable.

Does that make sense?

And don't you ever tell a little girl that she needs to do something like that. Do you know what I thought? I thought that I was ugly, a thought I don't think I had ever had before. We don't need to put on makeup, or dress up, or paint our nails, or lavish ourselves with jewelry and things...we just do those for fun and to accentuate the natural beauty that we already have. But you have to love the natural beauty first, or else all the junk we put on is what makes us beautiful, 
and that's just sad.

2) Read my scriptures and pray every day.

Yeah....I need to figure this out.

 3) Make more time for friends.

We are certainly trying! We love our friends.

4) Make Chasing Shelby something great. 
Like #3, I could be doing better.....

Well, I didn't put this together, but my mom is doing awesome!

Orange chicken was Shelby's favorite. I can't wait!

6) Do more crafts, and 7) Put things away 

Well, let me tell you how this has been going, because oh my goodness this has been where my priorities have been.

 My home has been so unorganized that I couldn't get anything done! 
So organizing the craft room was the first on the list.

Boom! Done.
Now I actually have a table to work on!!!

Putting things away is hard if things don't have a place to go.
So I've done a lot of organizing. The craft room, the medicine cabinet, the toys! We took out two black garbage bags full of toys and some other big bulky toys, and the kids rooms are so much better now! 
Jacob said "Thank you for taking the toys out." Wow.

It takes a lot of time to put things away when you have three littles who are constantly pulling things out. And trying to teach them to put things away without completely loosing my crap because I have to repeat myself a million times is very difficult. 

So that's what I've been doing.

Let me tell you a little something about priorities and goals. 
Yesterday at church we were talking about what distracts us from doing the most important things. My answer is easy and obvious: other good things. I spent my entire Saturday night and most of the day doing laundry, I spent almost two weeks organizing that craft room, and I spent a good couple hours making valentines day cards for my friends (I wanted to do a craft, and I loved it!). 

But did I read my scriptures? 
Did I pray sincerely?

What is most important? 

I need to figure out how to keep my priorities straight 
and not get so caught up and distracted by other good things. 

I don't really know how to do that. 

But I'm going to try.

It seems that my goals really can boil down to one goal:

Make the most important things priorities, and do them.

And PS, don't forget to make you time a priority.
 I went thrift store shopping and spent $50 on some amazing finds,
and I spent all of Saturday night and part of Sunday morning pampering and taking care of myself. 

 My first head to toe thrift store outfit. 
And I LOVE this red! I cant believe that I found a skirt the exact same color red as my lipsense! If you can't tell, this makes me super happy.

And PPS...

Another thing that was brought up on Sunday was that God is pleased when we try. We are not going to be able to do everything, and I have daily proof of that. But we can do whatever it is that we are doing and do it well, focus on it and make it something great, and at the end of the day be able to say that you had a good and successful day. 

Do not downplay what you have accomplished 
just because you have not succeeded 
in accomplishing everything.

It is a journey. 
One step at a time.