Baby Number Two...and Three

Friday, July 18, 2014



Thing One and Thing Two, or Twin A and Twin B. 

Who would have thunk?

My dad's mom is a fraternal twin, so Robbie and I thought maybe we had a chance since we've heard it skips a generation. And what do you know, we go in for the eight week ultra sound and before Robbie and I even are looking at the screen the lady says "There's two!"...Robbie and I look up and go "WHAT??!!??".

You always talk about what you want in life, and sometimes you don't have any control over some of the things you want. So you just resign yourself to dreaming. Twins are one of those things. You think you want them, you think that would be so cute, my main thought now is that I'm killing two birds with one stone here. Some women love to be pregnant, I'm not one of them. So I am ecstatic that I get two babies for one pregnancy. But who would have thought you'd actually get what you thought you wanted, especially when you have no control over how many eggs drop and how many sperm get up there. 


We had decided to try when Jacob turned one year old. But after I was done breastfeeding at six months we felt like we shouldn't prevent anything from happening. We thought it would take us the whole six months of not preventing to get pregnant again, if not more. We were very wrong. So we'll have three under 18 months. We wanted them to be close together. Do you get the idea that this isn't exactly what we had in mind?

Don't get me wrong. I'm ecstatic. I'm excited. And happy. But also scared. This is going to be really hard, I have no false ideas about it being otherwise. But it's going to be a wonderful adventure. 

Robbie has this thing that he does, where if he wants something bad enough it comes true. What did he want? Another boy and a girl. What are we having? A boy and a girl! 

(You can see on the left Twin A, the girl. No scrotum or penis, just the umbilical cord in the background. And on the right is Twin B, the boy. That's not an umbilical cord :)

They aren't identical (well, obviously, one is male and one is female). So that means that they were two different eggs from the get go, instead of being identical which would be one egg that gets fertilized and then split into two. The ultra sound showed so far they're healthy and growing right on cue, with their own placentas and sacs and everything. The doctors reassure me that this is the best for the two of them, that because they have their own placentas they're not as worried about one of them getting all the nutrients and the other getting nothing. There's a lot more to worry about with twins, early delivery is one of them. Obviously there isn't very much room inside of me. I barely fit one baby, and I was so uncomfortable the last three weeks I could barely move, the back pain was unbearable. And I wanted to punch anyone in the face who told me exercise would help with the back pain, because I tried and the pain was so terrible I couldn't walk around or do anything else for more than 15 minutes. So I can't even begin to contemplate how much bigger and more uncomfortable I'm going to be with two growing and kicking and punching and squirming inside of me. They're going to check my cervix a lot to make sure it's not thinning out and I can keep them inside as long as possible. Then I worry about their placement. They'll only "let me" do a natural birth if they are in the right positions. Otherwise, I guess they take the choice out of my hands? They make it sound as if I have no say in the matter anyways. If they're not in the right position they'll have to do a c-section, which is the last thing I want to do. But one of those things that you have to worry about with twins. I also can't do as much. I tried to vacuum the other day and started having contractions. I had to sit down the rest of the day to make them stop. That was a little frightening. And so I live with a semi dirty house. Robbie's been really good about cleaning because I can't, or shouldn't. 

Watching them kick and punch each other (and inadvertently me) was adorable. You can only feel so much right now, it mostly feels like butterflies, so watching them was absolutely fascinating. Watching them I knew that this was it, this is what was supposed to happen...and I love them now so much. It's a little crazy, thinking about love. I love my husband with all my heart, but I also love Jacob with all my heart, and now I love these two with all my heart...not to mention God, my Savior, my family, my friends...Does every one squish to make room or does your heart grow bigger? I'm inclined to think the latter, that your capacity to love increases along with your capacity to do good (which you need in order to love), which I think makes you a better person, if you were to let it. 

The first trimester really sucked. I only threw up once, but was nauseous twenty four seven and dropped at least five pounds. I tried to eat but it was really hard. I think I got below one ten, which I haven't been there since I was in middle school. Some people would be excited about that, not a pregnant lady with twins. I know that God knows us, is aware of our conditions, and answers prayers that we might not have even vocalized. There were two weeks in that first trimester that Jacob was sick and then Robbie got sick. One of the sicknesses that requires constant vigilance and cuddling. My nausea disappeared and loving friends sent me food so I could take care of the pair of them, and myself and the two babies inside of me. As soon as everyone was better the nausea came back for the last couple of weeks of the trimester. I know that Heavenly Father took away the nausea so that I could take care of them...and then gave it right back. 

I'm now 18 weeks, 5 weeks into the second trimester and am packing on the weight, which I'm very proud of. Grow babies grow! Twin A (the girl) was measuring at 8 oz and Twin B (the boy) was measuring at 7 oz. They said as long as their weights are within 20% of each other they don't worry about it. 

At 18 weeks I'm almost halfway done. I think the doctor said they won't stop me going into labor or schedule a c-section sometime after 36 weeks. It all depends on how I'm doing, and they're doing. Halfway has flown by, not like with Jacob. It's crazy isn't it? 

I love being a mom. Even though I really don't like being pregnant, I do love feeling those butterflies (and eventually the kicks and punches and squirming, even though I'll probably complain about how uncomfortable it is) and I love the feeling of these miracles happening inside of me. That as a woman I can do this, I can help create and grow a baby, and apparently more than one. With Jacob I think the extra testosterone got to me...I was really mean at times and couldn't control my anger very much. This time around I feel much happier. My theory is that my hormones are more balanced because I have the estrogen from the girl and the testosterone from the boy in equal amounts, balancing each other and my angry side out a little bit. 

We might be done with three. Robbie's always wanted three, and his track record of getting what he wants even when there is no possible way he could have done anything about it, is flawlessly in his favor. But we'll pray about it sometime after the twins are born. Watching the ultra sound I had a funny feeling of finality that I've never had before. Every time before that Robbie has talked about stopping at three I had this unexplainable fear in my heart and in my gut that that was wrong. Stopping something that is so precious and amazing, and very very final, the idea that you can't anymore, the thought of what if it was a mistake and our family isn't complete. He's promised to be open to more if I promise to be open to stopping, so we are going to try to do God's will in the end...but I think this might be it. It's a funny sense of peace, of calm, that I felt and I feel now, that this is right. A feeling of being complete, that everything is going to be alright. So who knows? But very possible.

We've picked Twin A's name, the girl. Riley Dawn. I don't remember why we picked Riley other than we just fell in love with it, and Dawn was Robbie's great grandmother's middle name? We realized that her name has the same initials as Robbie's name, RDVP. So we were kind of thinking it would be cute for the boy to have my initials, CMVP, and end in an "ee" sound like Riley. We're tossing around names, and I think we might have one but I want us to be sure before we share. My mom already thinks it's a bad idea, the name we have in mind, she thinks kids will pick on him. 

Pictures of the bump to come soon. It's hard to find time to take a picture, with an almost one year old putting sticky fingers of graham cracker and spit in my hair :)

Also, Jacob will turn one on August 5th. I'll have pictures of his smash cake. I love him to bits, I think he's the cutest thing ever. I wonder if I'll think all my kids are equally cute? Or if I'll be a realist and be able to admit that one is cuter than the others... 

Anyways, thanks for reading. 

Facebook Etiquette

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Just the other day I was reading something a friend posted and the comments that ensued. 

I was horrified.

Not only was she attacked for her opinion and asking a simple question, when she mentioned that she felt judged and attacked they told her that these feelings also were wrong.

What terrible "friends" my friend has.

I've made it a point to stand up to social media and the trolls, and so should you. You don't have to put up with the crap that people are going to throw at you, so don't. 

Let us start with what should be posted on Facebook.

What's going on in your life and your opinions

Some people have taken it upon themselves to tell you that what you're doing in your life is wrong. Some might argue that since you're putting it out there you're essentially giving them the right to comment…and while I think that that is true, it doesn't give them the right to be rude awful people. If you don't agree with a decision someone made or the direction they've chosen to take their life that's fine, but when did you decide that it was okay to make them feel terrible? 

Some people have taken it upon themselves to change the world by posting their opinions. Sometimes they can get really obnoxious, and then often times they decide to attack others who disagree. This is not okay. 

All of it. None of it is okay. 

Now let me be clear: you can not change people. The only way a person is going to change is if they want to, and they will change themselves, not you. If someone disagrees with you, attacking them on social media is not going to change them. What will it accomplish? Adding anger and hatred to this world is the only accomplishment. Does that make you proud?

If someone posts opinions that are contrary to yours and you want to say something, I can almost guarantee that you're not wanting to "change" their minds. You might put on that facade, but it's just that, an act. All you're really wanting to do is tell them how horrible they are for disagreeing with you. 

And that's not okay. 

So just don't.

Exercise some self control.

Don't be a troll. 

Treat others the way you'd want to be treated. And I think it's safe to say that no one wants to be attacked. 

What you should do

Be friends and agree to disagree. Meet up and maybe have a discussion, because Facebook isn't the place to have a discussion. Maybe in a message, but otherwise if you're worried about someone because of their opinion and want to help them out you need to meet up in real life face to face and have a civil discussion about the topic. 

If someone is a troll, why be their "friend"? What do you gain from the "friendship" on Facebook other than feelings of hatred and anger? Clean up and get rid of them, especially if you don't feel like giving them a second chance. Of course it might be nice to tell them why you're unfriending them, but because they're a troll and people don't change easily, they'll likely take offense and just attack you. 

I've unfriended people that have been trolls. I've been unfriended because I acted like a troll, and the other person just as much but they'll never accept that they were in the wrong also so why bother? Give it up. Let it go. They're not worth it. Surround yourself with good people, and a lot of good people have different lifestyles and different opinions. Keep an open mind, agree to disagree, even if you think they're very very very wrong. It doesn't matter. 

Also, unfriend people that aren't "friends". I don't like people who do certain things, especially if it's affecting me. I never see them in real life and they've made it quite clear they don't desire my friendship in real life. Make your peace and move on. Not everyone is going to love you, or even like you…and you aren't going to love or even like everyone either. Let's face it, we're not perfect. And it's okay! Who wants more than a couple of good friends anyways. Quality over quantity wins every time. 

And of course evaluate your own life. Don't be in denial. If someone says you're being rude, maybe they have a point. Maybe you didn't mean to be, but you came across rude to them. Maybe they're in the wrong, but more than likely you're also in the wrong. Think before you speak. Think can be a great acronym for many different words.
                                              T - for thoughtful or true
                                              H - for helpful or honest
                                              I - for inspiring or intelligent
                                              N - for necessary or needful
                                              K - for kind

If what you have to say isn't any of these things, then what are you saying? 

Now of course I know that I can't change you by writing all of this. You might not read it, or share it…and I'm not trying to change you. I used to be a bit of a troll, and I changed my ways or at least I've tried to. It's a constant battle of self control to hold your tongue, or in this case your fingers. But I've been happier for it. So I write this in the hope that maybe someone who reads this will want to change their ways, and find a little more happiness in this life than the anger and hatred they may have been feeling. And if not, oh well. No skin off my back. I wish you the best of luck. 

Happy Facebooking.