4:00 am

Thursday, May 30, 2013

I woke up at 4:00 am...wide awake. It was weird.

I had to pee, of course. What's new now a days?

Someone left a light on, I went and turned it off. I opened the windows up, because it's going to be 100 degrees this weekend and I love fresh air, so this morning might be the last morning that it's cooler outside than inside. 

I tried to go back to bed for about 45 minutes. My eyes said I was tired, but my brain wouldn't shut off. As my brain was running, my baby woke up and started rolling around making me all uncomfortable. Then my stomach turned on...I don't think I've ever been that hungry, that fast, that early. 

A shower before the sun was up felt incredible. 

Seeing Robbie's face look at me like I was crazy because I was dressed before he was even out of bed? Priceless.

Did you know the sun comes up like at 5:00? It's amazing! I love waking up with the sun! It's just a magical time of the day...but I kind of feel like every time of day is magical when I'm looking at the sun in the sky.

My dog was so shocked when I asked her if she was ready for a walk so early in the morning. Shocked and excited. We went a little more than a mile, almost a mile and a half. Go us! And baby! 

Breakfast. Delicious.

And I still have an hour and a half before I need to go to my doctors appointment. An hour and a half...to finish what? Crocheting? Cleaning? Probably cleaning...And spending time in my garden. There almost isn't any more dirt the watermelon has spread out so wide! 

Some thinkings...because what else do you do when you're all by yourself and can't sing at the top of your lungs when people are still sleeping. 

I don't remember when I lost sight of my toes because all I can see now is a round mound of belly. 

My feet aren't swelling too much, just every now and then. Thank goodness.

Wasn't I supposed to be as hot as an oven? I'm still freezing.

Kids walking to the bus with their noses in their phones...it's a beautiful day! Wake up! Get your nose out of your phones and look around you. 

I love to crochet. And play the piano. And learn about the body. And teach people about their body. 

Pregnancy clothes are expensive. But large shirts are anywhere from $3.50-$5.00 at the thrift store and all they need is a little altering. Not only did I get some sewing practice, but I got a whole wardrobe for the price of a few items of clothing at other stores. 

I have 10 more weeks. I'm starting to freak out just a little bit...I want this little boy out in my arms already and out of my diaphragm, but I'm nervous. I'm scared of labor, I'm scared about meeting him...I just realized that due date is like a ticking time bomb to being a mother. I'm going to be a mom, in 10 weeks. I'm very, very nervous. Will he smile at me? Will he cry a lot? Will people respect my space? How hard will it be to breast feed? 

Will everything be okay?

I think I'm ready for a nap, but it'll have to wait. I guess that's what happens when you wake up at 4:00 am.

Did I ever tell you the name we chose?
Jacob Ephraim Van Patten
Every now and then I'll call him Jake. 
Like it?

Trip to Tahoe at 30 Weeks

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

We took Friday through Monday Memorial Day weekend and drove to Tahoe with our friends!

We had such a great time. We took lots of naps, didn't set any alarms, got lots of sun, and enjoyed all the beauty. We also ate some great food! If you're ever in South Tahoe and are craving good BBQ, go to Fox and Hound...if you're craving pizza go to Vinny's. Both are small little places, but good food and good service with friendly faces. Do NOT go to Heidi's. Terrible food. Terrible service. No friendly faces anywhere. 

The only thing even semi wrong was that we seemed to come across a lot of unfriendly people. Some were local, and some were tourists. We were like what the heck? What is wrong with people? 

Anyways, whether you're a tourist, or local, be happy and friendly.

I felt like this through the whole weekend...like I could do anything and then when I tried failed miserably. Like trying to save Whitney when she slipped and almost fell, and trying to carry too many things up three flights of stairs...and with the higher elevation I seriously felt like there was no oxygen anywhere. There was one time that I had to pee literally every 10 minutes. I think we learned our lesson, no more vacations this far along. Pregnancy is an uncomfortable blessing.

Had some crazy cravings for pizza, and root beer floats, and grilled cheese...oh my goodness. And the baby movements! Some were terribly painful, and others were just plain cute. Like being able to feel the baby's spine, and watching a foot mosey on across my abdomen. 

I have 10 more weeks. Starting to freak out just a little.

 Eldorado Beach
 Room from the balcony

Lake Tahoe is HUGE!

Such a great weekend away. Good for the body, mind, and soul.

Mother's Day

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Was wonderful. 

We got to spend time with some of the most amazing women in our lives.

On Sunday, Sister Ensign gave a wonderful talk with her husband. I wanted to share with you some of the things they said, and some of my other thinkings about mothers.

She said that the nature of mothers is to nurture. She talked about how there are so many different kind of women in the world, and some are mothers and some aren't. But almost every woman feels the need to nurture. We hear a crying baby or child and want to hold and comfort it. We see someone doing something they shouldn't and want to smack them upside the head. We see someone suffering and want to ease their pain. Even if you're not a mother, that doesn't mean you can't be a mother in other ways...to be a mother is to nurture isn't it? I've known many people that can be classified as nurturers, if done right. Teachers, doctors and nursers, other medical people like physical therapists, coaches...whether you're nurturing children or adults it doesn't matter. When you are nurturing you're fulfilling a role as a mother. 

She also said we have so many women who are cruel, who are hard, who are selfish...we need more women in this world who are kind, and loving, and giving...we need a little more nurture.

Brother Ensign shared the sweetest story about this father who was reading a book to his son. This book had no words, so you made up the story from the pictures. His son kept correcting him, saying things like "that's not a jacket it's a coat" or "that's not a limb that's a branch". The father asked his son why he was so adamant that the pictures were certain things when there were no words? The son said "because mom said that's what they were". The father took a forceful yet playful tone and asked "who is the authority and has the last word in this house?" The son answered quickly "you are"...The father asked "and do you know why?"......he answered "because mom taught me". He didn't know it because his father was dominant or forceful in any way, but because his mother taught him. That touched me in a way I can't explain. Mothers have such a responsibility to teach their kids, whether you're saying it or showing it.

Last mother's day I was wanting desperately to get pregnant. I had just graduated and wanted to move onto the next step. I was so frustrated, and upset, and angry at the world. It took me forever to get over it and learn to let go, to be okay with what I had, and be happy for everyone else having babies. 

This mother's day was very different. Some people made the argument that I wasn't a mother yet. Robbie said that baby boy was alive and well in there, and just because I wasn't changing diapers yet doesn't mean I wasn't taking care of him, which made me a mother. 

Then I thought of all the people that I look after and try to care for. I have a husband, who I desperately try to take care of and make sure he's healthy and happy in every thing he does. As President Hinckley said, I strive to have an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of my husband and to serve him as he does the same for me. I try to look after my siblings. I try to look after my friends. I really love and enjoy teaching my students. I have a fish, a cat, and a dog. The dog was the hardest: training her all day every day for the first 6 months or so, and then continuing to enforce what I've taught her, sometimes it feels like I've got a toddler who can't speak. I try and take care of some people at church...

The more I thought about it, the more I realized I love to nurture and take care of people. I love being a mother. 

It's not always easy, I guess it's never really easy. There is so much that I've learned over the past few years on how to be a better mother..like patience. When I say I've learned, I don't mean I learned that you need patience, but that I've worked on improving and increasing my patience. 

Next mother's day I'll have a little one in my arms, instead of kicking my ribs and making it impossible for me to breathe. I'm so excited to add this little boy to the list of people I try to nurture. 

To all the women who are anxiously engaged in nurturing others, whether it's their own family or others...Happy Mother's Day. And thank you, for your sacrifices, for your time, and for your constant efforts to better yourselves in order to be the best example you can be. 

I'll always be grateful for the woman my mom is. Because of who she is, and how she raised me, I am who I am today. Robbie wouldn't be the man I love if it wasn't for his amazing mother...They wouldn't be the women they are if it wasn't for their mothers...

Thanks moms :)