Today Sarah tells us the story of The Velveteen Rabbit.

Do you remember? The little boy got the rabbit for Christmas, 

and it's about his journey to become real.

I'm pretty sure this was another one that was at my Grandma's house 

in her attic, along with her timeless tales collection. 

"Once you are Real you can't become unreal again.

It lasts for always."

-Margery Williams 

Start Quote

The Skin Horse patiently explained to the bunny that

"Real isn't how you are made. 

It's a thing that happens to you.

When a child loves you for a long, long time, 

not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, 

then you become Real."

Becoming Real doesn't happen overnight to toys or people.

"Generally, by the time you are Real, 

most of your hair has been loved off, 

and your eyes drop out and you get 

loose in the joints and very shabby. 

But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real, 

you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

In order for toys to become Real, they must be loved by a child.

In order for us to become Real, 

we must become lovers of real life 

in all its complexity and uncertainty.

Like the Velveteen Rabbit, we long to become Real,

to know what authenticity feels like.

Sometimes this hurts.

The thought of losing our whiskers and 

having our tail come unsewn is frightening.

In a world that judges by appearances, 

it's embarrassing having all the pink rubbed off your nose.

The Velveteen Rabbit isn't alone in wishing to become Real

without any uncomfortable or unpleasant things happening.

One of the ways that we become Real 

without too much discomfort

is by growing gradually into our authenticity.

As you learn to acknowledge, accept, and appreciate what it is 

that makes you different from all the other toys in the cupboard, 

the process begins. As you learn to trust the wisdom of your heart 

and make creative choices based on what you know is right for you, 

process becomes progress.

As you learn to endow even the smallest moment of each day with 

Love, progress becomes reality perfected.

Your black-button eyes might have lost their polish, 

but now these windows to the soul see only beauty. 

You become not only Real 

to those who know and love you, 

but Real to everyone. 

You become authentic.

End Quote

Isn't that one of the sweetest things you've ever heard?

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Gratitude Journal

***

1) I don't want to jinx it, but I think the wave may be ebbing away. Today I was actually happy. I actually smiled for the first time in what feels like forever. 

2) Of course, life is never easy. With my renewed strength and ambition came a whole lot of crap in the day...mostly with kids refusing to listen, constant whining and crying, lots and lots of pee and poo everywhere. and not getting done what I needed to get done...But you know.

3) I made the effort and called my best friend today. I love talking to her. I called during nap time, and I thought that I'd have a good uninterrupted hour to talk. Well, no...not really. Riley and Chase refused to go down for a nap, both of them continued getting up and playing, and pooping. Chase took a 10 minute dump in the toilet and peed everywhere, and Riley pooped in her underwear. And Jacob kept yelling at me. So really I was talking to my kids most of the time, but hey! It was a good effort, and I really enjoyed the time I got with her.

4) Service. We got to watch our friends kids for the night while they went to the temple. It was so much fun having our kids play together.

5) Robbie read my mind. I did not want to cook dinner, but I was willing and ready, and Robbie came home early and asked me what he should pick up. He's amazing.

 

 

November 2nd - Care For Your Soul

Start Quote

Reason, intellect, imagination, passion,

poetry, prayer, sex, song, and saxophone

cannot unravel or fully reveal the mystical nature of our souls.

Let alone understand it.

Obviously, after twenty-five thousand years of trying,

we're not meant to understand [fully] the essence of Soul.

But we can come to know her...

In order to approach "the depth that is the domain of the soul,"

Moore urges us to become "artists and theologians of our own lives." 

It is through "the small details of everyday life" 

that we make our souls feel welcome. 

"Tending the things around us and becoming 

sensitive to the importance of home, daily schedule, 

and maybe even the clothes we wear 

are ways of caring for the soul,"

Moore tells us in his deeply moving meditation,

Care of the Soul... 

Today...ask...

What do you need at this moment?

What would bring you peace, contentment, joy?

It may be to slow down, take a walk, hug a child, caress a cat.

Flip through a magazine. Call your sister.

Send a funny card to a friend. Take a nap.

Order Chinese carryout. Watch a favorite movie...

Solve an English mystery. Turn in early. 

Dream. Fantasize. Pray.

Whatever it might be, she will tell you.

Ask. 

End Quote

If there's one thing that I'm trying to get the hang of,

it's caring for my body and soul. 

The hard part for me is accepting that doing all the things Sarah suggests is okay. If I order dinner, a little voice in my head guilts me about how I should have made dinner and not spent the money. If I watch a movie, a little voice tells me that I'm wasting my time and there is so much to do. If I take a nap, the voice says you're a lazy bum. 

I don't know where these negative thoughts come from, I don't believe them consciously, but it still hurts. It makes caring for myself incredibly hard. 

But maybe one day it won't be so hard. Maybe one day it'll be easy to tell that awful voice to take a hike, and I won't feel guilty for taking care of myself. 

I know that I'm working on it, 

and I think that's all we're ever asked to do. 

To just keep trying.

***

Gratitude Journal

***

1) We had an easy night. Cereal for dinner and movies together. 

2) Kisses from my kids.

3) Actually tackling a mountain of laudry.

4) It's finally cold enough to put the shorts and short sleeve shirts away.

5) Today is over, and tomorrow is Friday.

November 1st - This Too Shall Pass

Today Sarah tells us a story. 

I don't know if it's her story, or someone else's...

but here it goes.

Start Quote

There once was a mighty queen with a short fuse.

One autumn, as the year was beginning to ebb, 

the queen fell into a deep melancholy. 

She could neither eat nor slumber, 

and tears of an unknown origin fell frequently, 

which infuriated her, triggering angry fits 

that made those around her quake in fear.  

Each day the queen summoned a new adviser 

from her esteemed circle of sages to 

explain the cause of her baffling condition. 

In they came and out they went: 

the court physician, the stargazer, the psychic, 

the alchemist, the herbalist, the philosopher. 

All were dismissed as charlatans for their 

inability to unravel the mystery of the royal black spell. 

They counted themselves lucky to have only their 

illustrious careers shortened. 

"Surely there must be one among you 

who knows the source of my suffering," 

the queen cried in despair. 

But her pathetic wail was greeted only with awkward silence, 

for all were wary of her wrath. 

Finally, the royal gardener was moved by compassion 

for the poor woman and slowly approached her throne.

"Come into the garden, Majesty, beyond the walls of your 

self-imprisonment, and I will disclose your dilemma." 

The queen was so desperate, she did as she was bid.

When she went out to the garden for the first time in many weeks, 

she noticed that the bright, vivid colors of summer had faded 

and the garden seemed bare. 

But it was not, she saw, wholly bereft of beauty, 

for it was regal in autumn's brilliant hues of crimson and gold. 

The air was refreshingly cool and crisp, and the sky, pure blue. 

 

"Speak gardener," the queen ordered, 

"but choose your words carefully, for I seek the truth." 

"Majesty, it is not your body or your mind that is ailing. 

It is your soul that is in need of healing.

For while you are a mighty and powerful queen, 

you are not Divine.

You are suffering from a human condition that afflicts us all.

Earthly souls ebb and flow in sorrow and joy 

according to the seasons of emotion, 

just as the seasons of the natural world move

 through the cycle of life, death, and rebirth. 

These are the days to be grateful for the harvest of the heart, 

however humble it might be, 

and to prepare for the coming of the year's closure. 

Even now, the season of daylight diminishes 

and the time of darkness increases. 

But the true Light is never extinguished 

in the natural world, 

and it is the same in your soul. 

Embrace the ebb, my beloved queen, 

and do not fear the darkness. 

For as night follows day, the Light will return 

and you will know contented hours once again. 

Of this I am sure."

The unhappy queen considered this wisdom thoughtfully 

and asked the gardener how she possessed the secret knowledge 

of inner peace during the seasons of emotion. 

The gardener led her to a brass sundial.

 It read: This too, shall pass.

End Quote 

This is perfect for today. 

I have been riding a depression wave for over a month now with no respite, 

and it is driving me nuts. 

I needed these words today.

This too shall pass.

I keep trying to remember that 

you just need to ride the wave, 

because it will eventually pass. 

Eventually this will pass,

eventually the wave will ebb away, 

and I will be happy again. 

I'll probably have to deal with depression my entire life. 

The waves will always come in and out, 

but they will always go back out.

It's all part of being human. 

Learning to ride the wave, to be happy for 

whatever life throws your way, to find joy in the journey,  

to see the beauty in the fall and winter...

This opportunity, this life,

it's a lot to be grateful for. 

It's all going to be okay.

 

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Gratitude Journal

***

1) Three angels came and helped me clean my entire downstairs. They knocked it out in an hour. I'm so grateful for them.

2) After a crazy day yesterday, I'm grateful for the time to slow down.

3) My health.

4) My home.

5) My family, and that they love me and I love them.