Just One Thing at a Time

I have always, ALWAYS, had the hardest time with follow through. 

I never finish anything. 

(That may be a bit of an exaggeration...but not by much) 

I get so overwhelmed and put way too much on my plate, 

and then the plate falls...and everything falls with it.

 

My eyes are almost always bigger than my stomach.

And all of a sudden my whole world falls apart, and I try to pick it back up,

and I get most of it back on the plate, and then it falls.

Again.

It's like I never learn. 

I never learn that you can't put too much on your plate.

The problem is my perfectionist side says "this is not too much, 

this is what you're supposed to be doing or want to be doing." 

Well, for some reason, I still can't do it. 

I can't do what I expect myself to do, what other's expect me to do, 

and then I can never fully pick up the pieces before they all fall apart again...

and again...and again...

I've been struggling with the concept of failure. 

I know that failure is a learning process, 

but in my brain if something goes wrong I feel this stabbing in my heart. 

Failure is like a knife, stabbing me, again and again and again. 

But failure shouldn't be like knife, it should be more like a refining fire. 

 

Sometimes it's going to hurt, like a mother, but it's not bad...

Trying to rewire your brain to see and feel your mistakes and mishaps and failures 

as stepping stones and opportunities for growth is REALLY hard.

Well here I am. 

Again.

Everything has fallen, but this time I didn't pick up the pieces.

I was so excited for my new years resolutions. 

I was going to get these habits down and change my life. 

And as always, I put way too much on my plate. 

You want to know how many habits I wanted 

to add or change in my life, and right away? 

Eighteen. 

I was going to do them for 30 days and change my life for good. 

I never was able to do all 18 in one day, cause life just happens. 

I gave up after 10 days. To be fair, I think I got sick somewhere in there...

I got pretty down on myself. 

I wanted so badly to succeed. 

But success is what we define it as.

I love this definition: success is being happy and healthy.

Then Covid happened and the kids were at home 

and I was in charge of teaching them.

 

Then I got sick, like deathly ill. 

Robbie had to take care of me and the kids for a week 

because I couldn't get out of bed, or stop coughing. 

I think I had covid, but because I didn't have a fever or loss of taste 

they didn't want me to take a test. No worries that I had every other

 symptom and literally couldn't breathe because I couldn't 

stop coughing and felt like I was dying. 

No fever, no worries.

 

 

Then Robbie got a Plain Jane cold, 

and it took me a month to start feeling healthy and like myself again. 

Then we had to catch up on all the school work, and I learned 

Jacob was really REALLY behind and I got so mad. 

Why didn't I know? 

Why wasn't the teacher sending home homework 

that would help him with things he was struggling with? 

 

So doing the homework wasn't just okay lets do this homework page...

it was let me teach you this principle and this concept, 

and then you have to apply it. 

It was torturous, because I didn't just have to teach the things 

he was being asked to do. I had to teach him all the stuff before it. 

I had to break what he thought he knew,

and rebuild that foundation all over again the right way.

 

What the hell was he doing in school? 

But we made it through.

The school year was over.

And we have had all summer to keep working on those 

foundational principles and really cement them in so he can apply them.

And then I felt like I wanted to do one of my life changing habits. 

I saw this quote about being more intentional and consistant... 

 

“We live intentionally when we think deeply about why we do what we do 

and make the conscious and deliberate effort to incorporate our 

beliefs and values into every aspect of our daily lives.” 

Now I want to try and not put too much on my plate too soon. 

I want to learn to balance one thing, make it a habit, 

so it doesn't seem like a burden when other things are added.

I chose the one thing that I thought would help me the most.

 

Prayer.

And you won't believe the miracles that I have seen.

They may not be very big to you, but they have been life changing to me.

I've had a testimony of this truth before, 

but it always hits me like a ton of bricks every time I see it. 

God's arm is always outstretched. 

It doesn't matter how far we stray from Him, 

he is always there and ready for us to come back. 

 

I got down on my knees and just talked to Him. 

I told Him what he already knew, 

that I have such a hard time praying because I feel like 

I have nothing to say. So I told Him about my plan for making 

prayer a habit. One prayer, every day, for 30 days. 

It doesn't have to be a great prayer, or long, 

it doesn't have to have super specifics, 

I just need to be consistent first and foremost. 

I figure all that other stuff will come with time, like being intentional. 

The very first day that I invited Him into my life, heart, and home,
I felt His love and presence through the day. 

Like I said, it doesn't matter how far or how long we stay away, 

His arm is stretched out still. 

 

Life hasn't been rainbows and butterflies, 

and sometimes my prayers are super short, like 

"thank you that I woke up alive, 

please help me not to kill me kids, 

in Jesus name amen." 

Another little miracle was Jacob. 

About a week in Robbie watched a scripture video 

with them about Abraham and Isaac. 

Later that day Jacob prayed that we would have faith, 

and I about cried. 

 

One of the reasons I have such a hard time being consistent in my prayers, 

besides that it's hard for me for some reason, 

is that I just don't see the point. 

 

Yeah I know what the scriptures say, 

and I can talk to God in my head all the live long day, 

but actually kneeling and taking a few minutes to 

commune with my Father in Heaven? 

 

Every day? 

 

Well in my experience, if you don't do it every day it's 

definitely harder to ask for His help when you need it. 

Instead I turn to other sources, like my social media and tv addiction. 

Not the worst, but definitely less healthy than prayer. 

It doesn't fill my life with joy, if anything it sucks the joy away. 

Anyways, here was a miracle coming from the mouth of babes. 

 

I started to pray that I would have faith in prayer. 

 

I want to have faith, I want to pray, but it's so hard for me and then 

I just want to give up, throw my hands in the air and say 

it doesn't work. 

 

So here I am in the second week, and my consistent prayers 

have brought the spirit into my life, heart and home. 

I even have the desire to read my scriptures, 

which is another thing I've always struggled with. 

Day 11-13 was rough, I wasn't feeling well, 

and I just kept thinking "consistent consistent consistent"...

I am so grateful for the opportunity I have to learn. 

To learn about myself and how my brain works. 

This self awareness is really helping me to be the person I want to be. 

This time instead of doing it all at once, I'm going to take it one step at a time. 

I'm going to make one habit, and then another, and then another. 

 

I'm not going to beat myself up when I fail, 

because failure is just part of the learning curve. 

Some days I miss some things, other days I'll miss other things. 

That's life. 

 

 

So if you're anything like me, I hope that you'll try one thing...just one. 

And if you don't feel like you can do one more thing right now, 

if you can, just drop it. 

 

Drop it all, and then start over. 

Pick up the things that are good for you,

 that you have to do and you know you can handle, 

and then slowly but surely pick up the rest. 

 

I'm sure you'll find you were holding things 

you didn't need or were unhealthy for you. 

I also strongly suggest trying to make a habit instead of just a goal.

 It should be SMART and research shows if you do something for 30 days 

your brain does it so much easier. It's a foundation you can build on.

 

 

I also suggest prayer. 

If you don't believe in God, then I definitely suggest meditation. 

It helps you understand yourself, it helps you commune, 

and it brings a power and peace into your life that nothing else can. 

I feel like prayer has been like turning on the wifi. 

Just by praying I've felt a connection, 

and everyday you have to wake up and turn it on again. 

 

Who doesn't want to be connected to wifi?

There's a difference between feeling down every once in awhile, 

and then feeling down all the time because you think you're a failure. 

 

Please, don't think that. 

I beg you, learn to have a good relationship with failure, 

learn how to change yourself for the better, 

and change your life one thing at a time.

 

And I will do the same.

 

I have a funny feeling I'll have to keep learning this over and over again.

That doesn't sound like such a bad thing.