Today in Relief Society our lesson was on Sharon Eubank's talk Turn On Your Light. Our teacher also referred us to our new prophet's talk A Plea to my Sisters. One of the ways Sharon tells us we can turn on our light is by being articulate. As we were discussing this, our dear RS President said "Ask her, she has a blog!" and I about died. Being put on the spot, I'm actually not very good at being articulate. I ramble, and have a hard time making my point. 

Well, I think I still do that in my writing too, and I spend a pretty good deal of time on that and I'm not put on the spot, so...

So I was thinking about it and I wanted to share my thoughts.

I was very grateful that someone things I'm articulate, that I'm good at expressing myself and my feelings clearly. This is how I think I got to where I am, and this is how I plan on continuing to grow more articulate. These are things that everyone can do, no matter how well or not well you think you speak.

To not be afraid or ashamed, 

and to have faith and courage.

Now this is more easily said then done, and is two fold.

In order to be brave, you must also do this.

Know yourself

Know God

Know the scriptures and the gospel

In short, be knowledgeable

But also knowing that you don't have all the answers, and that not every problem needs to be solved right now. You don't have to know everything, but you can know some things and have faith in the rest, and that is good enough. Be patient with yourself and show the same courtesy to others. No one is perfect, especially in speaking, and do you know everything? No. Only God is omnipotent, so don't worry about not knowing everything. Just keep learning.

But you have to work on it, getting to know yourself and know God every single day, or when the time comes to be brave and speak up you won't be able to.

Do not stoop to contention and anger

Learn to walk away

We need to be brave most when we are being attacked, but do not stoop to their level. Stop them right there, tell them the truth that you know, and tell them that you can still love them and disagree with them. Sometimes, they won't even let you get your words out. That's when you walk away, because their hearts are hardened and their ears shut and not one word you say is going to make a difference right then. But you walking away, not in anger, saying that you'd be more than happy to have a discussion in a civilized manner without contention, and that you still love them, that might make a difference. 
If not to them, at least it will to you.

We also need this in normal daily tasks. Not being afraid to pray in public, or talk about our Savior when you know that's what someone needs, or give someone a Book of Mormon, etc etc. 

Always speak with Love

If you're not speaking with love, you're doing it wrong.

Yes, it would be nice if we could have perfect grammar, have a great vocabulary, speak eloquently, know exactly when to pause and what to say at the perfect moment...

But for most of us it's probably not going to happen. 

So don't worry about that stuff. If you want to work on it, do it. 

But for me, right now, it's not a priority.

What is a priority, is being brave. 

Not being afraid to speak the truth, even if it's unpopular.

Continuing to learn and grow my faith and testimony.

Continuing to know myself and my God 

and learn how to become more like my Savior.

Never speaking in anger or contention and learning to walk away.

Always speaking with love.

I know, maybe this doesn't seem very conventional, 

but this is how I have learned to speak. 

I hope that it helps you as much as it has helped me 
in becoming more articulate about sharing the gospel.

Update on Goals: January 21st

I've been pretty darn awesome at my goals so far.

1) Not touching my eyebrows, doing pretty darn good. 

More than good, I'm doing awesome. Haven't touched them one bit.

A couple weeks ago

Today

2) Reading my scriptures and praying? I could work on that...

3) Make more time for friends, yes! I've seen at least one friend this last week (I'm pretty sure I've seen more, but I can't remember...I have a terrible memory), and have set up some play dates and dinner dates. Today, I introduced myself to someone I didn't know, and I then introduced her to another friend. Turns out they had already met, but now they're re-acquainted. 

4) I haven't touched Chasing Shelby......

It may just be an excuse, but I'm trying to get the rest of my life and home in order before I start this one.

5) Write my own piano lesson material, check! I'm making daily progress on. Every lesson I make notes on my students so I can be a better teacher, notes for myself and how I want my material to be different, and every night I've worked on arrangements for my students so they can start practicing fun songs as soon as possible. 

 Heck yeah, I'm gonna rock it this year.

6) Do more crafts, yeah, first I have to finish cleaning and organizing my craft room. I have this thing, the way I organize, it may be weird but here's how it goes. So I picked a spot in the craft room to start, and I chose a pile of books. We have so many books, and I want to get through all of them instead of reading the same one over and over, so I'd been stacking books that we'd read in my craft room so the kids couldn't mix them in with the other books. Well, books don't go in the craft room, do they. So I went and organized the bookshelf and went through all the books so that I could then move the books out of my craft room...

So that's how that's been going. 

But I've been taking my time, making sure I'm not just in there to get it done and neglecting more important things.

7) Putting things away after I take them out. I'm doing good! I was running late to church so most of my bathroom stuff is still on the counter, but I'll get to that before I go to bed when I go wash up.

8) Exercise. Well, I'm planning on it this week. Wish me luck!

9) Riding the waves of depression I did pretty darn good. I was able to be sick and useless and I came out of it my normal happy self instead of depressed. Gold star.

10) Start re-learning physical therapy, yeah, that hasn't happened yet. I'm reading The Hobbit. Then I'll read Lord of the Rings...then I'll add some physical therapy in there...maybe....I might just take this goal out until next year.

11) Revamp old blogs...haven't touched them. 
But I am blogging today, so there's that.


How are your goals going?
Have you written them down? It's not too late! 
It's never too late to set a goal.

Here's another one I'm excited about, it mixes friends and crafts.
I'm starting a crocheting/craft club. 
We're going to meet once a month.
I'm so excited.
 

 

So, what are you doing that's making you dance for joy?!!?

Feelings Are Natural

Life has been going swell.

As many of you who have been reading know, I've been suffering from depression for a couple years now. I want to write a post on it, but not today. Last October through December were some of the hardest months of my life, and I was so depressed that I could hardly even fake a smile, let alone feel happy, even though there was plenty to be happy about. 

So here comes January! New year, new life...or so I was thinking. 

I could feel the waves of depression ebbing away, 

I was ready to start living life to its fullest.

But then we got sick.

And stayed sick for weeks.

Not one week, not two weeks, like three weeks....

Here I was, ready to finally get out of the bed that seemed to confine me 

while I was depressed, ready to run and play and get things done! 

And I couldn't get out of bed because my body was so sick. 

It was very disheartening.

But I rested. I didn't beat myself up about the dirty house, or that the kids were watching so much TV while I laid down day after day after day. I didn't guilt myself that I had McDonald's at least once, if not twice a week. I rested, both my body and my spirit, knowing that this would pass and it wouldn't be like this forever.

And it passed! 

Not slowly and surely, like one day I was so tired and still sick, 

and the next I was cured. 

And I started living life.

I was go go go go go...

I was on top of my game, getting things done on top of the normal every day taking care of the kids and the home. The dishes were done every day, I was putting things away after I took them out and was done with them, I was playing with the kids and letting them do things I haven't in a long time like play dough and puzzles (lets be honest, shall we? When you're depressed, you can't clean up one more mess, and trying to scrape play dough off of your floor and find puzzle pieces that have gone all over the house no matter how you watch or help them, you just can't do it...) I was even taking the time to teach them to clean up their messes that they made, which we all know takes three times as long and is a lot more of a headache than just doing it yourself. I had successful piano lessons, I was a good mom, we saw friends and had play dates, I had dinner on the table every day even if it was just eggs and toast, etc etc...

And on top of the normal everyday awesomeness, 

I was doing at least one or more extra things that 

needed to be done that had piled up after 

months and months and months of not being on my game. 

 Like organizing every little thing. 

I didn't need a nap all week, for the first time since October last year. It felt so good to have energy, to feel alive and excited about my work and my day, to wake up and smile because I am so happy instead of crying because I didn't want to do anything.

But most importantly, I was taking the time to love and live life. 

I've been making the time when something unexpected happens to stop, re-calibrate, make a new plan with my priorities first in line, and then starting again with the new plan.

I saw this and it changed my life.

It is very easy to go go go. 

To get so caught up in all that "has" to get done.

But a lot of what has to be done is not as important 

as the people in your life that need to be loved.

Instead of being upset that my plan for the day got interrupted, no matter what it was, I choose to slow down and be patient and loving. I quickly changed my plans to best fit everyone, including myself, so that I wasn't just cleaning my house. We played, we explored, we did things together, and we had fun getting things done. 

I had a few experiences with Jacob that I wanted to share that really opened my eyes about how I can be a better mom.

Jacob was really upset about something at school. He gets so fixated on something, and it completely destroys him and no matter what you say to him he can't be reasoned with or shaken out of it. 

In the past I've gotten angry, frustrated, and confused.

For goodness sake, what is his problem?!

And one of these times I was so lost and had no idea what to do, that I just bowed my head and silently asked God what I was doing wrong? 

The spirit spoke so strongly to me, and told me that he is just like me, and just like every other human being. Sometimes we're just going to be sad, and angry, and there's nothing you can say or do to make it better.

Nothing. Except love them.

I thought about how I handle my emotions, and how sometimes you're just sad or mad, and you just need to ride it out. 

A hug, a kiss, a good cry, a piece of chocolate, and time are all you need.

How can I expect my four year old to master his emotions more than I can? 

I was expecting him to do something that was impossible.

I had a really good chance to practice this new found knowledge and view point the other day, and I'm sure I'll have plenty more chances in the years to come. Jacob was upset because someone had broken his toy. He was crying uncontrollable, and I immediately got frustrated and wanted him to keep his wailing to himself to save my ears. But then I stopped, and I put myself in his shoes. If someone had broken something really special to me, had done it maliciously and hadn't been sorry about it, and didn't offer to replace it...

I'd be crying uncontrollably too. 

So we got home and we just cried together. He was so shocked that I was sad for him instead of mad at him for having feelings, that he was actually able to talk to me about it. I tried to explain that we can't always get what we want, and sometimes people are going to be mean and we just need to distance ourselves from them and still try to love them without putting ourselves in harms way. 

One thing that I've been learning in therapy is that feelings are natural, 

and you should not be punished for having feelings. 

We should not be teaching our children (or ourselves) to repress our feelings, but to acknowledge them, process them, and act on them appropriately.

I have been greatly blessed these past few weeks with the gift of seeing how my children are just little people, learning and growing just like me.

"I am eternally grateful that the Lord rescued me 

from my unkind feelings by sending the Holy Ghost 

to let me see a child of God as He saw him."

- Elder Eyring

This week I'm still going to go go go,
 but always I'll try to remember what is most important.

Life is too short to waste time doing unimportant things.

New Year, New Goals

I don't know about you, but I've had a 

very nice and refreshing week off from blogging.

Well, okay, it wasn't exactly refreshing. 

Last Sunday, the last day of 2017, I felt the cold coming on.

Robbie had it, the kids had been a little boogery and coughish,

and then my throat started to burn.

I pushed through it on Sunday,

but then Monday it hit me like a load of bricks.

 I didn't do anything Monday, or Tuesday, 

except the bare minimum of keeping the kids and myself alive.  

Wednesday I made it to the zoo, and they had a lot of fun,

 
but by the end of it I was more than done. 

So done I didn't do anything on Thursday either.

Friday I was feeling a little better, we went on another playdate,

and went to Costco, and I cleaned the garage and some of the house......

By Friday night my eye was bothering me. 

Saturday my eye was still bothering me, but it didn't look bad.

Then we went on a spur of the moment bowling trip with my parents, which I unfortunately could not properly enjoy because I was feeling worse and worse with every passing moment. And then we went to a birthday party, because not only did we want to see our friends and support them, I know a thing or two about what it feels like when no one shows up to your party. 

And we had to leave early, because by then I couldn't see out of my eye it was gunking up and it hurt so bad.

This morning I couldn't open it it was so swollen. 

I feel like my body is trying to tell me

"What in the world do I have to do to get you to stay home

and REST BECAUSE YOU'RE SICK?!

Oh, highly contagious pink eye. This will work.

This will keep you home."

Thanks body. Thanks a lot.

I had no idea that you could get pink eye from a cold.

And viruses you just have to let them ride their course.  

So today, just to be safe, I wore a makeshift eye patch.

I felt like this.

 But let me tell you, I did not look quiet as bad a. 

Then Jacob wanted one, just like mine, 

although not covering his eye.

So we played pirates all day long, and even watched Sinbad.

I overheard him in the bathroom talking to himself,

pretending his penis was a sword...because he was a pirate.

Oh little boys. They're so funny.

So besides having a rough start to the year, 

it's been pretty darn good so far.

Have you made and written down 

your New Years Resolutions yet?

On Friday I was asked what I was going to do this year,

and as I started sharing I realized I had forgotten some of them.

My friend literally tsk tsked me, and told me that if I didn't write them down then I never would remember and they weren't going to happen.

She's not wrong.

I thought about how I was going to write them down, 

and since I loved blogging so much and I got so many people telling me how much they missed my blog this week, I thought why the heck not do it again? Although, I WILL NOT be blogging every day. That was crazy.

Here are a few of the things that I want to accomplish this year.

This is not your typical resolutions list...these are not goals that have to be met by the end of 2018. But they are things that I want to do in my spare time, in the evenings, when I get a moment to myself. And as I work my way to accomplishing them I will share with you.

The big one, the one that is actually 365 days long.

I'm not going to touch my eyebrows. 

I will not pick, pluck, wax, thread, nothing nada zip.

I don't know how many of you know, 

but I have an obsessive compulsive disorder called

Trichotillomania. 

So here's the first week of no picking.

And my swollen eye, it was twice as large this morning...

Can you tell how thrilled I am? I really didn't want to share this picture, but I need someone to help hold me accountable. And if I don't share a picture of my eyebrows with you now, I never will, and then I might be tempted to back out of my goal and start plucking them again.

Sorry about my gross eye.

The next 365 day goal is to read my scriptures and pray every day.

But then I got really sick this whole first week of the year...

so....

How about I'm going to read my scriptures and pray a whole heck of a lot more than I did last year. Every day that I'm not sick.

The next ones are not every day ones.

• Make more time for friends. More double dates, more play dates, more get togethers etc.

• I want to make Chasing Shelby something great. 

• I want to write my own piano lesson materials and books. I've got my own unique style, and I have a terrible memory and often forget to share things.

• I want to do more crafts. I have easy Halloween costumes planned, so no need to go crazy there. But I have several t-shirt memory quilts I've wanted to do, some for me and some for other people that need to be done. I want to do a few more wreaths, I want to make cards and send them to people etc etc...

• And crafting doesn't happen because my craft room looks like a toddler played in it, but really it was just me. And it's not just my craft room! I have a really hard time putting things away, so this year I'm going to fix that. If I take it out I'm going to put it back. If I open it I'm going to close it. If I throw it on the ground I'm going to pick it up. If I take it off I'm going to hang it up.

• Exercise! I am so excited to exercise this year! The last few months of 2017 I was so depressed I made every excuse not to go, this year is going to be different.

• Speaking of depressed, I am really excited about this one. So I had gotten into the habit of dressing like a homeless person when I dropped Jacob off at school. I just didn't have the energy to get dressed properly. This year is going to be different. I've been learning a lot at therapy, and I feel like with the new year I have a new look on life. I know I'm going to have another depression wave, but I know how to handle it better. And I have faith that I'm strong enough to beat it. And when my strength fails I know who I can turn to and rely on theirs, I just need to reach out and ask. To be more specific, I'm going to get dressed every day and I'm going to do better with my self care: force myself to shower and to exercise.

• Once the twins are in school I will actually have a few hours completely alone during the day, I'm going to start researching going back to school to get my Masters/Doctorate in Physical Therapy. This might be put off till 2019, but if I'm not doing research into school I'll at least be reading my books and re-learning all of the things I've forgotten. If you don't use it you lose it, and I have not been using it.

• Revamping my blog. Just because 2017 is over, doesn't mean I'm done with simple abundance. I'm going to go through and fix some mistakes, add content, etc etc. It was really difficult to write a well written post in one night. I'm going to enjoy taking some time with it.

So, what are your goals for 2018?

I've got a good feeling about this year.

It's going to be a good year.

A really good year.

***

Gratitude Journal

***

1) Robbie let me sleep so much today. I think I fell asleep around 9 last night, and woke up around 11. And then we all took a nap, and he watched the kids again so I could sleep more. Yeah, I'm so grateful Robbie let me sleep so much. 

2) No one else has gotten pink eye, or this nasty of a cold. I would feel terrible if I spread it to anyone. I've been using hand sanitizer like crazy.

3) Listening to the kids play today. It was simply magical.

4) Cuddles with my kids. They know I'm sick, and they would just come up to me randomly and give me a hug and a kiss, stroke my face or my hair, or do random things for me that I didn't even ask them to do. Jacob all of a sudden jumped up to go get me a drink of water, proclaiming that water would make me feel better.

5) When the kids ask me for things. They asked me to read to them, and I can't tell you how happy that makes me. Riley got out of bed and very sternly told me that we had to do something. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what she was saying, so after a few attempts I just said okay, and she knelt down and rested her elbows on the bed and I was like OH! Pray! That's what she was saying! And then I about cried.