November 25th - Sickness

This is a lesson I think everyone needs to learn.

When you're sick, stay home.

The world will not stop spinning if you do.

Now that Jacob is in school I've had to keep him home two or three times, once for GI issues, and once for hand foot and mouth...maybe a third time that I've forgotten. Each time you get the same weird vibe from school, that either way you can't win. They don't want you to come because they don't want anyone else to get sick, but it's the end of the world and you're ruining their education because they stayed home for a week (I'm sorry that a virus lasts anywhere from 7-10 days?). Now I'm not saying the teachers were mean, it's just a vibe that you get. I don't think they give it intentionally. Maybe it's all in my head.

This last week or two Robbie has been really ill. Some of it was stress, and some of it was the awful cold that all of us caught. We all stayed home from church on Sunday, because we all had the mucus, the nasty cough, and needed sleep...lots of sleep. It's easy enough to keep kids home from church, it's not like they have any responsibilities they're missing. But I had to find a sub for my calling. I called four people and got their voicemails, and left a message, and left it at that. I hoped and prayed that one of them would get the message, be in town, be at church, and able to play the piano for me, and I didn't worry about it. I got a text after church, one of those wonderful ladies told me she played for me today and would next week too. No reason to worry. Even if it may seem like the end of the world, they can always sing a Capella, which no one seems to think is an option except for me?

Anyways, I wanted Robbie to stay home on Monday. I knew he wasn't better, and he knew he wasn't better, but he was determined to push through it. He came home around 3 and went straight to bed. He pushed through Tuesday too, and even went and did home teaching, willing himself to be better. But that's not how sickness works unfortunately. Wednesday it just hit the fan, and I didn't have to push very hard for him to stay home and in bed. I knew he felt worse on Wednesday because he hadn't taken Monday and Tuesday to really nip it in the butt. 

As a mom, it's really hard to be sick. Everything still needs to be done, whether you feel like you're dying or not. But I've gotten really good at sleeping when I can, and just ignoring the mess and the dirt and doing the best I can. I know now that if you push through it, it's just going to get worse. Take care of yourself so you can get healthy, and then go back to work.

Why have a sickness last longer than it needs to? 

If you take care of yourself it goes away faster.

 

Pain we obey. So obey it.

Start Quote

"You feel like you're dying, you look like you're dying, and you sound like you're dying," my doctor said while studying my lab slips and X-ray. "Thankfully, you're not. You've got a relapse of the flu, infected sinuses, and now pleurisy. I want you to take an antibiotic and go back to bed where you belong until you're well enough to be up, which could be another week to ten days."

When I feebly protested that I'd already been sick with the flu for three weeks and that I was far behind in my work, my doctor nodded sympathetically.

"Well, go home then, take your medicine, put on your pajamas," she advised, "and write a meditation about how important it is to take care of yourself when you're sick. But I will be very angry if the next time we meet it's in the hospital."

I did as I was told.

Sort of.

I send this dispatch from underneath the covers.

Most women don't go to bed when they're sick because they can't.

The children still need to be taken care of, 

the work still has to get done, 

the meals still have to be made, 

life marches on. 

So you stagger around like Typhoid Mary until you drop. 

One morning you just can't move and with good reason.

You're sick.

For a day or two - at the most - you allow yourself a reprieve. Your mate and/or the children of the household solicitously inquire if there's anything you need, then quietly close the bedroom door so you can rest. Frequently, they'll poke their heads in to check on you because the sight of mother prone on the bed for more than two hours registers a 6.5 on their personal Richter scales. 

"Feeling better yet?" you're asked cheerfully. 

Eventually, after this question has been posed enough times, 

you say you do, even if you don't. 

You get out of bed, get dressed, and get ready once again 

to swallow swords while juggling flaming torches. 

The show must go on.

But sometimes we can't get up.

Sometimes we're so run-down that we can't shake the flu standing up, 

or our bad cold becomes bronchitis or we break a bone, slip a disc.

Sometimes the unthinkable confronts us: 

a lump in the breast, a high white-cell blood count, 

a whack on the head, chest pains that stun us into submission. 

We're not asked politely if we'd like to 

pause on the path for a refreshing respite.

We're abruptly ordered to a halt.

The deeply spiritual Southern writer Flannery O'Connor came to believe, 

"In a sense sickness is a place more instructive than a long trip to Europe, and it's always a place where there's no company, where nobody can follow."

The next time you're sick,

stop feeling guilty about it.

And quit operating under 

the deranged and dangerous delusion 

that it's all under your control.

Instead of setting yourself up for a fall,

give yourself permission to drop out for as long as you really need to 

in order to (1) get well and (2) gently explore this strange but temporary detour. 

Be as open to new insights as an inquisitive tourist would be.

If I'd never sustained a head injury ten years ago, I don't think I would have started my own business, written a syndicated newspaper column, or eventually published three books. My nearly two years' arbitrary sabbatical provided me with the opportunity to strike out on a new path after I recovered.

Every illness, from a cold to cancer, 

has a life-affirming lesson for us if we're willing to be taught. 

It can be simple or profound. 

Learning to take better care of ourselves in the future

 in order to stay healthy. 

Bringing more harmony into our daily affairs. 

Balancing our need for rest and recreation 

with the demands of responsibility. 

Appreciating the subtle nuances of 

the dark days as well as the light-filled ones. 

Seeking Wholeness as well as healing. 

Searching not just for a possible cure, but for the probably cause.

Flannery O'Connor searched for the positive aspects of her illness 

until she viewed her tutorial with lupus as "one of God's mercies."

We may never become that enlightened. 

But the next time you're not feeling well,

PLEASE cradle yourself gently with kindness and compassion.

you'll be better for it.

End Quote

Now this is not a pass to just fake it and milk another day or two of laziness to get out of working if you're actually feeling better. Yes take it easy, but also don't take advantage. Don't cut yourself short either, what is that doing to your soul to be so selfish?

Over the last year I have truly been humbled by every illness I encountered.

I have been almost forced to be more compassionate to others.

I used to say, oh it's just a cold suck it up buttercup,

but now?

I literally have to ram it down sick people's throats. 

"Do not be sorry for canceling or dropping the ball. 

Can I watch your kids for you? Can I bring you dinner?

Can I come clean your house? Can I run an errand for you?

You rest and get better, I'm serious, I mean it.

Don't you worry about a thing other than your health."

Let's not judge others, and let's not be too hard on ourselves. 

Take the time to get better, and then get back to work

with vitality and joy,

all the more grateful for our health.

***

Gratitude Journal

***

1) Quad rides. My kids have so much fun with Grandpa. They went to Grandma Great's and when they got home they came running in yelling "Grandma Great gave us cookies!!!" Trying to get them to say "chocolate chip" was hilarious.

2) Mexican food. Yum. Really does anything get better than fresh chips, amazing salsa, and a diet coke with a lime wedge?

3) Reading a book, and taking a nap, all in one day. The only way it was possible is because the adults outnumber the kids, and we have worn the kids out so much that they took almost a two hour nap.

4) Beautiful mountain weather, fresh air, clear blue sky...

5) A wonderful, peaceful weekend. And it's not even over yet.

6) Nightmares aren't real. I had a terrible nightmare that felt so real, I had to give up everyone and everything I loved voluntarily, and just die without saying goodbye. I woke up sweating and crying, and I just hugged my babies and my husband. Where the crap do these things come from? I mean come on.

7) My dad. I have always loved my mom's nativity, it's an old duncan ceramic set, pearl white, very lovely. All other nativities just don't do it for me. A couple years ago my mom and I did some research into how to get one for me, and it was just too expensive. They're rare and hard to find, and not cheap. So my mom was asking about it today, and I went back to the old email chain and did some current research, and only found one set for sale, like $170 or something like that....and my dad said, "order it, I'll buy it for you. Merry Christmas." Even now, my heart is just full of gratitude. Words cannot express fully how I feel, all I can say is I'm grateful for my dad, and for what this nativity means to me, and that I'm going to get to have it in my home to help celebrate the birth of our Savior.