"To be really great in little things,
to be truly noble and heroic in the
insipid details of everyday life,
is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of canonization."
Start Quote
Rising to the occasion...
[Sarah gives us some scenarios to consider.
Each one something awful that catches us off guard.
Today, mine was Riley and potty training.
I thought they were playing outside, and when it was time to go pick up Jacob I went downstairs to help them go to the bathroom. I walk in on Riley, on the toilet, poop smeared everywhere.
We stopped potty training today and Robbie brought home a box of diapers.]
Real life is the collison - day in, day out -
of the improbable with the impossible.
Longfellow believed that situations that call forth our coping abilities are "celestial benedictions" in dark disguises, sent not to try our souls, but to enlarge them...
We become larger than we ever thought possible when we rise to occasions, performing miracles with good humor and grace.
Coping well enables you to see beyond the circumference of circumstance, so that the Real in the center of you daily round is not hidden by happenstance...
We become more adept at rising to the occasion each time we see ourselves doing it. Every time we cope well with whatever real life throws our way, it's another deposit of confidence, creativity and courage in our self esteem account.
So congratulate yourself each night for handling the unexpected with finesse.
Well done.
Today, when you need to rise to the occasion, do it with style. Do it with a knowing smile. Confound them. Astound yourself. Make it look easy, and it will become so.
End Quote
Today is perfect.
Today is another confirmation that Sarah is reading my mind.
I've shared before how I have depression.
I have a mental illness that is sometimes very debilitating,
and a lot of people don't get it.
I hear a lot of "shake it off" or "suck it up",
from well meaning people and from myself.
October was the worst month of my life.
I'm not exaggerating.
I've mentioned how depression is like a wave,
it comes and goes, sometimes it only reaches your toes,
and sometimes it knocks you clean off your feet.
Sometimes you can see it coming, sometimes it blindsides you.
October was a tsunami.
Depression is as much physical as it is mental, at least for me.
I did not realize this until last month.
My therapist has described it like you're under water and the only thing above the water is your lips, and all your doing is trying not to drown.
But seriously...I literally felt like that. My chest was heavy, my heart was heavy, it was difficult to breathe, I was exhausted even if I slept all day, I had no energy to do the simplest things...
And then on top of that you have all the mental problems.
The negative thoughts that bombard you, and all you're trying to do take cover. All the things you've learned about how to ride the wave, all of a sudden are useless. You feel like a complete failure because you're trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones and you can't, all you can do is cry. You don't have any desire to do anything, not even things you enjoy and certainly don't want to do things you don't enjoy. You feel utterly worthless, and for no reason, which makes you feel even more helpless.
About a week before Halloween I imploded.
I went completely insane.
I literally could not handle reality.
And you know, I still had to keep my kids alive,
so I shut down. Everything, just shut it all off and went blank.
It took a week to fully shut down,
and one night after Halloween I was finally able to breathe.
Slowly but surely I could feel the water receding.
My chest and heart felt lighter and lighter,
it became easier and easier to breath.
And then all of a sudden I smiled.
I think it was the first genuine smile I had in a month.
And then I laughed.
All of sudden, it physically felt like I was underwater one minute holding my breath struggling for air and then next I was released and was able to sit up and out of the water. Breathing never felt so good.
Many people don't understand trials.
Many people right now are saying terrible things about the massacre in the Texas church, how the prayers were shot right out of them and prayers aren't going to help them.
What they don't understand is that prayers are not a pass on bad things. Bad things happen to good people, it's the way life is, and it's the way God intended it to be. We are supposed to have trials. They are gifts from our Heavenly Father to help us grow, if we'll only see them that way.
When the water was completely gone, and I was able to see and think clearly, I thanked God for the worst month of my life. I realized how much I've actually grown. When I first began therapy, my therapist asked me to try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, and that it takes 10 positive ones to cancel out a negative one. I told her I tried it, and it was impossible. But this last month, I actually tried. Sure, I failed a lot, but I tried.
That's progress.
When I got home from therapy tonight and opened up to November 6th and started writing about rising to the occasion, I couldn't help but laugh and again thank my Heavenly Father for this wonderful day.
When you're in the midst of a wave, you consciously know all of the things that you've learned like self care and boundaries and positive thoughts etc etc, but you physically and mentally can not do them. It is impossible...or at least it feels that way. When the wave is gone, it seems completely silly and stupid, I should have been able to be better during the wave, to rise to the occasion. What I learned tonight is that I did. I did the best I could with the knowledge and practice that I have.
I love the Navy Seal quote.
"You don't rise to the occasion.
You sink to the level of your training.
That's why we train so hard."
That is why I train so hard.
This is why I try so hard.
Because when the wave hits it feels impossible to rise to the occasion,
but you do sink to the level of your training.
Self awareness heals depression, and I am very aware of what happened to me last month. I learned so much, and even though I am not looking forward to the next wave, I don't fear it. I know it will come, and when it does I will ride it a little better than I did the last one.
**
Here are a few things that I've learned and that I try and integrate into my life every day so that when the waves come I can ride them,
I can rise to the occasion.
**
It's going to be okay.
Stop it. Stop thinking negative thoughts. Do not give them even an inch because they will take a mile and more. Replace them with positive thoughts.
It is not okay to be this hard on yourself.
Self awareness heals depression.
Self care is crucial.
There are two kinds of self care, stimulating and relaxing.
Do not do stimulating before bed, because sleep is your best friend.
Complacency is the devil's work. If you're bored or lethargic you're not taking care of yourself.
Everyone should have five things that they LOVE to do.
Be compassionate, and kind to yourself.
Trust yourself that you'll get through this.
Endure it, it is going to suck.
Trust that you are stronger than your illness.
Acceptance and awareness are key.
Parent yourself. Treat yourself the way you treat your kids (if you're a good parent. If you're not a good parent, don't do this.)
Your feelings are normal and valid. Listen to your emotions.
Do not compare your best day to your worst day.
Be persistent in trying to ride the wave, don't give up.
Reward yourself when you do things you don't want to do.
You deserve to be treated better than you treat yourself.
You deserve better, and the only person that can give that to you is you.
**
So practice grace, and humor, and kindness, and patience, and love,
so that when the need arises, and it always does,
you are trained and ready to rise to the occasion.
***
Gratitude Journal
***
1) Making time to read my scriptures. I love the Book of Mormon.
3) My mom. It's funny how things in life change. When you're a child you love your mom, when you're a teenager you hate your mom, and then when you're an adult you love your mom again so much you want nothing more than to talk to her during her lunch break and see her again to give her a big hug.
4) Being able to see how far I've actually come, how much I've actually grown. It's pretty amazing, astounding, almost unbelievable.
5) Profound wisdom. Something along the lines of, you are angry and upset because you want them to be more than what they are, but you can't change them. All you can do is love them for who they are, lower your expectations, and continue to be all that you can be and not allow their negativity to impact you.
No comments:
Post a Comment