I am very eclectic in my range of music.
I love any and all good music, any genre, any time period.
One of my favorite artists since I was a kid was Garth Brooks.
My dad would take my brother and I up the hill to cut wood,
and we would wake up early Saturday morning before the sun was up.
Sometimes we would get donuts.
We always rocked out. This is where I grew to love good country.
One of my favorites of his is Unanswered Prayers.
I love it.
"Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers,
remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs.
And just because he doesn't answer, doesn't mean he don't care.
Some of God's greatest gifts, are unanswered prayers."
Start Quote
Oscar Wilde believed that there were only two tragedies in life:
not getting what you pray for
and getting it.
"Answered prayers are scary," Julia Cameron admits in The Artist's Way.
"They imply responsibility. You asked for it.
Now that you've got it, what are you going to do?..."
Very often the reason we're uncomfortable is because we've not been praying for the right thing, and on some deep level we know it.
We pray to meet our soul mate, instead of praying for the grace to become the woman our soul mate would be attracted to; we pray for the worldly success when what we really long for is a sense of authentic accomplishment; we pray for more money, when what we need is a change in our relationship to money. We pray for a certain outcome in any given situation, when what we should be praying for is peace of mind, no matter which outcome occurs.
Actually, our prayers are always being answered.
We just don't like to think that "no" is a reasonable response
to our very reasonable requests...
[Sometimes it's not a "no", sometimes it's "wait", "I'll get back to you because you're not ready to hear the answer", or "pay attention today, you'll find the answer in your scriptures or through a friend or stranger" etc etc]
The "Noes" of God don't make sense to our conscious, rational mind, especially since we're convinced we know what's best. But do we? Really?
We want the "yes," but sometimes we need the "no."
Consider the disaster that would ensue if we answered a child's every request with a "yes." That's too frightening even to contemplate.
But we're children of Divinity.
We can't begin to envision the big picture;
You would be astounded at the relief that comes
once you stop assuming you have all the answers.
When your prayers seem delayed of denied, you need to ask Spirit if you're praying for the right thing. If you're not, ask that the right prayer might be revealed to you. Very often when we're told "No," it's to allow us more time, space, wisdom, and experience to prepare for the glorious moment when, because you're finally ready, willing, and able, Spirit answers you with a sharp, sudden, and resounding "Yes!"
End Quote
I've had three really memorable experiences about being told "No."
The first was when Robbie and I were dating.
We had been dating for 6 months, and in the LDS community, that usually means you either get engaged or you break up. But I didn't know if I was ready to get married, I know my family was pushing me not to.
So one day I prayed about it. I asked if I should marry him, and I heard a voice for the first time in my life. Loud and clear, like someone else was in my head, "No." I cried. I asked if I should then break up with him, and this feeling of peace overwhelmed me and the answer was "Yes." I cried some more.
I didn't understand. I didn't want to break up with him, I loved him. I wanted to marry him, why was this the answer?
So we broke up for a week, and I hated it. I tried to move on, but I didn't want to. I decided that I wanted to live the rest of my life and all of eternity with him. So I prayed again, asking again if marrying him was the right thing to do. And the answer was "yes, if that's what you want." Thank goodness one week wasn't enough for him to stop loving me. We were engaged shortly thereafter.
I was a little upset with God for a little while. I was like, what the heck man?! But then I grew to understand that He wanted me to chose for myself. He wanted to make sure that I knew that I was ready for marriage. If he had said "yes, marry him" I could have gone two ways: one, I would have said heck no, no way no how, I'm out, two, I would have said okay and resented Robbie and God for not feeling like I was ready to get married.
God knew me better than I knew myself, and He knew what was best for me and what I needed. He helped me make the choice all by myself, to decide that I was ready for marriage, and that Robbie was the one I wanted to be with for time and all eternity.
The second experience I had was when Robbie and I were buying a house. I had a year of school left and I was starting to look at grad schools. Every time I started to look into actually applying I would get this terrible feeling. I wrote it off as being afraid of failing, the fear of not being accepted anywhere.
But then I prayed about it. I asked if grad school was what I was supposed to do next, and a great feeling of peace came over me and said "No." I was like, well, what are my other options? Because the last thing I want is to be barefoot and pregnant for the foreseeable future...well...I flat out asked, "is being a mother what is next?" and what do you know...the answer? "Yes."
I cried. I cried and cried and cried.
That wasn't my plan, that wasn't what I had in mind!
But I felt such a peace that I couldn't deny that that was what God wanted me to do after school. And once I wrapped my head around it, I realized that was what I wanted too.
And now I've been a stay at home mom for 5 years, and it's been the best and the hardest 5 years of my life. A few more years and all three will be in school, and I'll get to go back for my doctorate in physical therapy. I'll go to school part time, so I can still be present to take care of the house and raise my kids, and by the time they're in high school (hopefully sooner) I'll graduate and start working part time so I can continue to take care of them. Then I'm thinking I'll work full time once they're all gone, and then if they live close enough and start having babies I'll work part time again so I can spend as much time as they'll let me cuddling and playing and helping out.
Anyways, that's my new plan. And it's working out wonderfully so far. I've really learned so much about myself and about life in the last 7 years of marriage and 5 years of being a mom. I know that God knew that I wasn't ready to go to grad school at 22. I'm so grateful He knew better, and that I asked, and that He answered, and that I listened.
The third is when Robbie and I prayed about having more children after the twins were born. We went on a really nice vacation to Monterrey and while we were there (since we were sans kiddos) we took advantage of the silence and prayed about two things: moving, and having another child.
We got a very clear cut answer to the first question, yes! Move!
But the answer for another child was "Wait".
What?!
I was so mad. I wanted to know if we were done or not.
So I had already gotten an answer when we had the 18 week ultrasound for the twins. I had this overwhelming feeling of peace that our family was complete. But then when they were born, I just couldn't help the feeling of something's missing. I kept thinking of a Sawyer, and since that name goes both ways I didn't care if it was a boy or a girl.
Since the answer was to wait, wait we did.
And then I ended up in the hospital for depression, and it became very clear that I could only handle the three that I have and that was okay. We prayed again, and the answer was "okay, if you're done you're done." Our community was having a yard sale the next morning, so out everything went. It was like this burden had been lifted off of me. I remembered that feeling when I had the ultrasound that our family was complete, and I felt like I should focus on that feeling. It's like He was saying "I did try and tell you, you just weren't ready to listen." I'm stubborn, I know.
I don't think I'll ever shake the feeling of wanting another baby, and another, and another. I hate being pregnant, but I do miss snuggling those cute little bundles. I do not miss the sleep deprivation, or the nursing, or baby poop...
I finally came to realize that God did it again. He knew me better than I know myself. He knew that if he said "no honey, you're done, this is all you can do so focus on doing it well" I would have been pissed and resented him for the rest of my life. I would have said "well I'll show you". And if he had said, "you want another one? Sure! Go ahead" Robbie and I would have fought a lot because he did not want another baby...and who knows where I would have been mentally afterwards?
I had to come to the decision myself...
It's funny, that's how God teaches me.
How does He teach you? How has he answered your prayers?
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Gratitude Journal
***
1) Unanswered prayers...and that there really is no such thing.
2) My kids. Even though today was rough, I got to see a lot of really wonderful moments that just showed me how wonderful children are. The last one was Riley while we were at Robbie's parent's house. I think Chase had hit me with something, and she came up and kissed me and hugged me. It was the sweetest thing. Then Chase climbed up next to us, and I started eating their sweet little lint covered feet and toes. Then we fell onto the couch and I started tickling them. Twins are so funny, and two of them laughing hysterically side by side is to die for hilarious.
3) My kid's musical talents. ACDC's Thunderstruck came on the radio this morning, and they echoed everything. It was the best thing ever.
4) Cellos. They're my favorite.
5) Pizza for dinner. Me-n-Ed's gourmet veggie is to die for.
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