"It's terribly amusing how many different climates of feeling
one can go through in a day."
I love Winnie the Pooh.
I love when he tries to get honey by disguising himself as a rain cloud.
I also love Eeyore.
Poor Eeyore, always getting rained on.
Sometimes the skies are clear, other times it drizzles,
and sometimes it just pours.
The trick is acknowledging whatever the forecast is.
Start Quote
Today, variably cloudy. Moody. Didn't sleep well last night; up twice with children. Much tossing, turning, churning. Could be time of month, bills due. Heavy water retention. Alternating gray punctuated by streaks of light, some levity but not quite sunny. Most likely at lunchtime, if with friends. Foreboding, if lunching at desk. During the afternoon, expect thunderstorms due to deadline approaching, boss's frustrations, revised sales figures. Tonight, turning colder. Didn't resolve argument with husband over upcoming holidays. Possible frost late tonight, which will make for another unsettling day tomorrow.
Many women today are struggling with various addictions to drink, drugs, smoking, food, sex, shopping, or sleeping. Most of these forms of self-abuse are frequently discussed in books, magazine articles, and television specials.
But there's another "habit" that affects many of us but gets little airplay,
and that's addiction to the highs and lows of emotion.
There was once a period in my life when I could literally cry or rage for hours - and did so frequently. I was an emotional drunk, bingeing on self-abuse with tears and tantrums until I was exhausted, unable to be a loving partner or a productive writer.
Emotional binges aren't just a matter of temperament;
they can spell termination for relationships, careers, and dreams.
The only way I got sober was by acknowledging my dependence
on personal drama to a Source stronger than my instinct for
self-sabotage and finally surrendering the theatrics.
I prayed every day for emotional sobriety. One day at a time.
I got therapy. I got better. I became well.
But I know that as far as emotions are concerned,
I'll always be in recovery.
Sometimes emotional bingeing is precipitated by a physical disorder -
PMS, manic-depression, or clinical depression, or by stress, and fatigue.
But changes in our emotional climate that disrupt and destroy our daily round are anything but amusing.
Becoming aware of our emotional weather patterns is essential
if we want to remain sane, functioning,
and well-loved members of the human race.
Every woman has a pattern, and everyone's pattern is different.
If you don't recognize yours, start paying attention.
When an outburst of anger or tears erupts, step back.
Breathe deeply. Center yourself.
Count to one hundred before issuing an ultimatum.
When you're calm, replay the circumstances
surrounding your emotional surge.
You're frustrated. Why?
How much sleep did you have last week?
What did you eat for lunch?
How many glasses of wine did you drink?
When was your last period?
Your last physical exercise?
You're enraged. Why?
You're grief-stricken. Why?
You're resentful. Why?
Deal with it. Talk to a friend. Write in your discovery journal.
Write a letter you don't send. Update your resume.
Clean a closet or purge files at work.
Now that you're calmer, what [is] one practical step could you take
to make the situation, if not better, then at least tolerable?
Yes, there must be one thing you can do.
Do it.
Unfortunately, emotional drunks do not overindulge with the positive emotions: gratitude, forgiveness, empathy, admiration, wonder.
But we do recover our authenticity and our equilibrium with joy.
Cultivate happiness. Hone your sense of humor; it's the most irresistible asset any of us can possess. Smile, especially if you don't feel like it. The physical workout of the muscles around your mouth increases the positive enzymes in your brain chemistry.
"The truth is that we can overhaul our surroundings, renovate our environment, talk a new game, join a new club, far more easily than we can change the way we behave emotionally," Ellen Goodman observes. "It's easier to change behavior than feelings about that behavior."
But no behavior can be changed before it's acknowledged.
And no addiction is beyond the reach of Love.
End Quote
According to my therapist, the cure to depression (besides a good anti-depressant and therapy) is self-awareness.
And I've come to find that this is very true.
If you want to change your feelings, you very often have to change your behavior. If you want to change at all, you have to be self-aware.
***
Gratitude Journal
***
1) Picking out a cute outfit. I felt like being close to Grandpa today, so I wore his suspenders and his hat. I looked like a hipster...I didn't like the hipster reference in my head, but I felt like I was close to Grandpa, so I let it slide. I know I'm cool.
2) Actually making progress! I'm trying to get our piano recital set up somewhere where we can give service, and I finally talked to the right person today! Well, left a message, and she left me a message telling me to email her, then I emailed her...so close!
3) Being able to volunteer in Jacob's classroom. It was so much fun playing bingo with the kids.
4) Today I am just not very happy for some reason, so I dressed up cute, and made a sushi date with my best friend. Something to look forward to.
5) A day to just do whatever I want or need to do, at my own speed...it's pretty awesome.
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