Do you know the story of Mata Hari?
In 1917 she met a French firing squad.
Her last words were "Life is an illusion."
Start Quote
Certainly Mata Hari lived the ultimate illusion.
She was all things to all men,
at least until she gave herself away
by assuming she had it all under control.
First she seduced French officers into divulging military secrets that she passed along to the Germans. Then she cajoled the Germans into giving her information coveted by the French.
But the trouble with illusion,
as the famous femme fatale discovered to her regret,
is that you can't keep it up forever.
Eventually it all goes up in a puff of smoke,
and you might not be left standing when the smoke clears.
Illusions are the conscious mind's double agents.
The ego doesn't like to think that anybody
- especially the authentic self -
can do it better than she can.
So she seduces the rational mind into believing those things
that help us make it through the day
- that this time he'll stop drinking,
that the kid's just going through a phase,
that the argument's over money and not power,
that the unworkable will work, if you just try a little harder.
Now, maybe all of this is true.
But if it's not, you're setting yourself up for the double-cross.
When the subterfuge succeeds,
the master illusion - the mind's Mata Hari -
moves in for the kill, convincing you that life can be manipulated.
Life can't.
But we can.
A few weeks go smoothly, at home and work,
and suddenly we secretly succumb to the lure of thinking
we can control relationships or the course of events.
We line everything up in perfect order so that,
through sheer force of will,
we'll be at the right place at the right time.
But when we become addicted to thinking we can control
another person's behavior or a particular outcome,
we're as vulnerable as a crack addict
who thinks this hit will be her last.
High on determination, we assume we can
handle the day, the deal, the deadline, the divorce, the disease,
if we can just keep everything under control.
When we can't, we spin dangerously out of control
and into a nosedive.
As Melody Beattie reminds us in The Language of Letting Go:
"Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life."
And while we might walk away from the wreck,
we're often more upset by the loss of the illusion
than by the reality of the rubble...
You can never lose something if you never had it to begin with.
You were never in control and never will be.
Let go of that illusion so that you can cut your losses and move on.
Acceptance of the inevitable
- as difficult and painful [as] it might be today -
is the first step toward an authentic trade-off.
"We trade a life that we have tried to control,"
Melody Beattie reassures us,
"and we receive in return something better -
a life that is manageable."
End Quote
I love this.
This has totally changed my life.
Accepting that you can't control anyone and anything but yourself,
and sometimes not even that, is so helpful.
Every day, every situation, is more manageable
because I know that if I do my best it's good enough.
It helps me to be happy and accepting of things as they are,
but hopeful for the best.
It helps me not be angry at things or people,
to be more understanding and patient,
with others and with myself.
It's all part of being human.
We love kid movies.
Here's a good one.
***
Gratitude Journal
***
1) Dinner out with family. We have a tradition, that is partly for me and partly for the kids. Whenever we have to go to the doctors we go out to eat at Chick-fil-ah or McDonalds so the kids can play in the play place. Well we couldn't go for lunch because we were watching a friend this afternoon and Chase was ready for a nap, so we went for dinner. I'm so grateful Robbie was so flexible and helped us keep our tradition.
2) Helping and friends. Last minute we got to watch another friend tonight! And so that was a lot of fun. Lots of friends today.
3) Brushing the dog. I got off so much hair that I had enough to make a tribble! Maybe two.
4) Going to bed early. No naps two days in a row? I'm like an old lady...no offense...
5) The gospel. I've really been trying to live it these last couple days, and it has made a world of difference.
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