"Minor things can become moments of great revelation 

when encountered for the first time"

-Margot Fonteyn 

Sarah took an entire second day on excavating the real you. 

She gave us some help, gave us tons of questions and memories to go over. Your childhood home, how did you keep your room, what was your mom's cooking like, what did you do when you were sick, think about your vacations, high school, special occasions, your first home, early decorating choices...

"We tend to think it is the major events that mark our lives, when really it is the minor moments that resonate in memory. 

Lovingly pick one pleasant recollection and think about it today."

My memory was of my sister. I loved playing with her hair, braiding it, plucking her eyebrows, doing her nails...trying to take care of her. Getting her all dolled up for her graduation pictures, she's never been so beautiful. One of those times when you just look at someone and go, wow.

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Gratitude Journal

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1) My mom. She was in the neighborhood and just dropped by to say hi. I love my mom.

2) Laundry. Something about getting laundry done. I got everyone a bath, and went to get Jacob some underwear and what do you know, he's hidden all of them. He has like 20 pairs. All missing. I just went through the hampers, and I only found like 6 pairs. Laundry. Better to have clothes that are missing than none at all.

3) Memories. 

4) Everyone seems to be healthy. Riley must have had a 24 hour thing or something.

5) Clean rooms. I organized all the toys today, I know that tomorrow they will be unorganized, but for today they were organized. 

February 21st - Choices

"Maybe being oneself is always an acquired taste."

-Patricia Hampl 

Well isn't that true. It's taken me years to be comfortable in my own skin and to truly love and be myself. It isn't easy.

Sarah continues with the archaeological analogy and today she introduces excavating. 

It "is not glamorous work...[and] no matter how impatient everyone on the dig is, the excavation process cannot be rushed.

But there wouldn't be the thrill of discovery if time weren't invested in slowly digging in the dirt." 

That sounds a little like gardening to me. 

"As long as one keeps searching, the answers come."

-Joan Baez 

"For centuries women have displayed their innate sense of style to the world through choice: 

in their personal appearance, 

in the way they decorated their homes, 

in how they entertained, 

in their work, 

and in the pursuit of their personal passions. 

The more we learn about ourselves and our preferences, the easier it is to make these choices. 

And creative choice is at the heart of authenticity.

Choice confers freedom - 

the freedom to embrace the new because 

it speaks to your soul and you are listening.

...

The delay of our dreams does not mean that they have been denied. 

Perhaps now you have the wisdom to make alterations in your dream so that it can come true. 

Perhaps now you have the wisdom 

to choose differently."

The freedom to choose is a gift, and in making choices we also can become free.

Like happiness. 

Happiness is a choice. 

I wish I had tried a little harder to choose to be a little better today.

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Gratitude Journal

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1) Bad days. I think I had an entire week of good days, and it was about time to have a bad one. The kids screamed, and cried, and hit, and hurt each other all day.... accept for the few rare moments that made me remember how wonderful it is to have this day, even if it wasn't the best of days... 

 Picnics in the sun

Getting both boys to sleep...literally the only two times Chase wasn't crying or whining or screaming were in these two pictures.

2) This blog, and Sarah. Here are some of the ones I thought of today. I needed to clean up a little, I needed a little bit of self care,  and I needed to stop acting like today was just a rehearsal, and how I'm just feeling a little divine discontent. Ask me if I prayed or read my scriptures today...go ahead, ask. The answer is no. Did I get dressed for the day? No. Second pajama day in a row. Did I eat well? No. I got hangry and yelled at the kids a few times.... I got my act a little more together before piano lessons, but my goodness. What a day. And the sad thing is I know I did most of it to myself. I know I would have been able to handle my circus a lot better if I had done all those things in the morning that I'm supposed to, that I know help me through the day. 

3) Tomorrow. I'm so glad that I have tomorrow to try again, to make it a better day. 

4) Robbie. He took the kids and put them to bed so I could get some alone time. I got some good work done on my cook book. 

5) Surprises. Thank you, to whoever you are. I really needed some extra loving today. And the cookies were delicious. I'm going to leave these on my door as long as possible. 

February 20th - Memory Mosaics

Today Sarah talks about how we are digging through our memories, and finding a bunch of broken pieces. 

"Always bear in mind that memory is fickle...

Sometimes she surprises us with her generosity, and we recall moments with astonishing clarity. 

Most of the time, however, our memories are fragmented, like small colored chips. 

When this happens, we need to be patient as we brush away the sediment of the past."

Sarah talks about when you dig, you should use the proper tools. 

"Old photographs, letters, mementos...music"

"Linger only on the happy times. What you are searching for is a pattern of personal, authentic pleasures and preferences. 

These are the chips in your mosaic."

"The events in our lives happen in a sequence in time, but in their significance to ourselves they find their own order."

-Eudora Welty

I love mosaics. I also love the idea that you have to pick and chose the pieces that you put in it, and the order they go in. You have the control over how you see your past.

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Gratitude Journal

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1) Sick babies. Having sickness in your home sucks, not knowing why my little baby is sick sucks even more, and waking up at 3 and up until 4 and then feeling nauseous the rest of the morning sucks still more...but now we get the week "off". I can't go anywhere, because I can't risk getting anyone else sick. While that sucks, at the same time it's nice. I hope she feels better soon, this little cuddle bug is very grumpy.

2) Robbie's jokes. I looked up mosaics on lds.org, do you know what I got? The handbook. 21.2.1., no mosaics allowed. I asked Robbie if he maybe knew why, and he said "it's too Catholic". He smiles, laughs his head off. He was Catholic, so it's okay for him to make jokes like that? He said I could share. We laugh a lot. We want to do a stand up comedy skit, we are currently writing it.

3) Robbie brought home Mcdonalds because we are "sick" and had a rough day....yes, so rough sitting and laying on the couch watching movies all day...Jacob did push Chase when we tried to play outside, hit his head really hard on the concrete, he went to his room till Robbie got home...but I didn't yell! Yay me! And boo for hurt heads and sad little toddlers who don't quite know how to control their angry impulses yet.

4) I didn't throw up. I've gotten pretty good at throwing up over the years, I used to have panic attacks. But I didn't throw up. The kids were playing with my throw up bowl that I had out just in case, which made me even more nauseous thinking that if I had to the bowl was not going to be right next to me. 

5) Marriage. It's almost been 7 years. Every year it gets better. Marriage is hard, but it's also the best thing that's ever happened to me. And Robbie, Robbie's first, then marriage...well I guess Christ is first, then Robbie...wait, God is first etc etc. There are a lot of good things going in this life aren't there.