"The conflict between what one is
and who one is expected to be
touches all of us.
And sometimes, rather than reach for what one COULD be,
we choose the comfort of the failed role,
preferring to be the victim of circumstance,
the person who didn't have a chance."
I'm not sure if I agree with Sarah today,
but here's what she thinks.
At the very least, it's interesting to consider,
and some of you may feel this way
and so this may be helpful.
I have never been afraid of success,
at least not that I can recall.
I only remember being afraid of failing.
Start Quote
Many women fear success much more than failure.
Failure we can handle,
failure feels familiar.
But success means we must leave our comfort zone,
the well-padded perimeter of predictability...
We fear success because we fear the impact it will have
(and it most assuredly will),
not only on our own lives, but on the lives of those we love.
Even the financial rewards of success don't entirely belong to us,
unless we're single and without children
or elderly parents to care for.
If we're not, the checks may have our name on them,
but they go to pay grocery bills, tuition, winter coats,
car repairs, braces, summer camp, vacations,
home improvements, social security supplements.
Millions of women are also responsible for mortgages or rent,
utilities, food, health insurance and much, much more.
Why should it come as a surprise that
personal indulgences become
figments of feminine imagination?
As for relationships, if you're single
and reach a certain level of success
(not to mention a certain age),
you worry about meeting a man who
won't be intimidated by achievements or your income.
If you're married, you worry about how your success
will affect your relationship with your husband.
It is one of life's paradoxes
that the higher a woman ascends in the world,
the more the earth rumbles beneath her on the home front.
This is because success questions the validity of
the unspoken covenant we make when we say "I do."
(Unfortunately, many of the emotional and
economic assumptions we have when we utter these words
are based on where we are at the time,
not on where we're headed.)
[Many people don't really mean what they promise,
for better or for worse...]
If she has children, a woman's ascent is thwarted
by an even stronger gravitational pull
than the discomfort of her partner.
Nothing weighs more than maternal guilt.
Men (with some exceptions) rarely work around
the needs of their children;
women rarely work any other way.
The novelist Fay Weldon was once asked
why she wrote longer sentences in her later novels.
She answered that it was because as her children grew older,
she had fewer interruptions.
she had fewer interruptions.
So we fear success with good reason.
We've got a lot at stake.
Success brings change, and change is uncomfortable.
But by attempting to achieve one challenge at a time,
we redefine success for ourselves and those we love.
As we become more comfortable with our accomplishments,
we learn that success doesn't have to pull, tug, or chafe
if we wear our real size.
End Quote
Do not fear success.
Everything is going to be okay.
Face the light, even if that means moving.
Just because you're comfortable,
doesn't mean it's the best spot to be in.
Get help, keep working on it and improving it,
and it'll all be okay.
And don't worry about your relationships.
If you are trying to be the best you can be,
and so are they,
then it'll work out.
You might need couple's therapy, but that's not a bad thing.
You just need to learn some new skills
and change some of the ways your brain sees things.
It's going to be okay.
Even if it doesn't feel that way.
Take a deep breath.
You can do this.
***
Gratitude Journal
***
1) Doing something fun with the family. We did the Walk to End Alzheimers, and it was really good to be together doing something.
2) Naps. Oh my goodness.
3) Having two kids for the weekend instead of three. I love it when my parents just take a kid. Who knew that one less would be so much easier?
4) I'm so grateful that tomorrow I get to see Chase again. Even though I'm grateful for the break, I miss him.
5) My best friend. I actually got to talk to her today. I love her to pieces.
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