September 10th - Mean

Monday, September 11, 2017

People are stupid.

And inconsiderate. 

And thoughtless.

And ignorant.

And sometimes just plain mean.



Start Quote
Novelist Anne Tyler tells a wonderful cautionary tale 
about pursuing your authentic calling.

Arriving to pick up her children at school one afternoon,
she was met by another mother who casually asked,
"Have you found work yet?
Or are you still JUST writing?"

Simply because you do it 
doesn't mean the rest of the world 
will think it's wonderful or even worthwhile. 

The sooner you realize that other people 
won't necessarily bless or appreciate 
your efforts to follow your calling, 
the happier you'll be.

A lot of people...might wonder ALOUD for years 
if you're ever going to become sensible again.


No, you're not. 



So shrug off their skepticism with a smile 
and go back to mining your acre of diamonds

Eventually they'll come around, 
either as cheerleaders or as astonished spectators. 
[Or they just won't come around, 
whatever, their loss.]

In the meantime, do your best to pay as 
little attention as possible 

You've only got so much psychic energy. 
If it's squandered on converting the heathens
you won't have any left to do the work waiting for you...



Next, if you're trying to bring forth a dream 
while caring for a family AND holding down a job, 
you MUST set your own pace...

Authentic fulfillment through your work 
is a marathon, not a sprint. 
Long-distance runners prepare for marathons 
with a lot of shorter runs, increasing their length and speed 
as they become stronger. 

In order to hear your calling and answer it
you must generously give yourself the gift of time. 
Certainly, no one else in the world will do it...

[Try and shoot for a 3 year goal.]

The bottom line is not how fast you make your dream come true, 
but how steadily you pursue it. 


Anne Tyler reveals in a collection of essays, 
how difficult it is to create around family life...
The principle[s apply] to any passion...

Even with the inevitable creative delays that daily life brings, 
there is tremendous gain in the struggle to answer your calling 
with children growing up all around you. 

"It seems to me that since I've had children, 
I've grown richer and deeper," Anne Tyler confesses. 
"They may have slowed down my writing for a while, 
but when I did write, I had more of a self to speak from."
End Quote

Amen.





There will ALWAYS be naysayers.


There was a woman that I tried to visit teach in our last ward, 
and she lived within walking distance so every once in a while 
I'd take a walk to her house for a small chat and then walk home. 
This was when I had Jacob, and before I was pregnant with the twins 
(or maybe I was pregnant with them but very early on). 

The last time I went to see her did not go well.
She never invited me in, so we just talked on the doorstep.
She asked what I was doing for work and I told her I was 
staying home and raising Jacob, that I had been teaching 
piano lessons but I was taking a break 
because pregnancy and a new born were enough

She basically told me I was a fool and that I 
needed to work outside of the home. 

I was extremely upset, I can't remember what exactly happened. 
I hope I said "I disagree" and "good-bye", 
but I might have just walked away. 

And then she proceeded to yell at me as I walked down the street. 
I have no idea what she was yelling at me, 
more of her opinions from what I could gather, 
and I just waved a few times and kept walking.

If you don't have anything nice to say,
don't say anything at all.

You best believe I just kept my mouth shut,
and never spoke to her again.

No it's not like that, 
I didn't speak to her ever again because I was offended 
or hated her or anything like that. 
I never spoke to her because I don't think I ever saw her again. 
She was inactive, and I think I may have seen her a few times 
in the foyer, and I think the sisters that I visited 
got changed around shortly thereafter. 
I definitely never sought her company again.

I wasn't offended. 
I was hurt that she thought it was acceptable 
to push your opinions on someone like that, 
and then to continue to yell at them as they're walking away
 obviously not wanting to continue the conversation, 
but I didn't take it personally.

I thought maybe she was just having a bad day,
or maybe she just didn't have any manners. 

Either way, whether she was mean because she was ignorant, 
or just because she was mean,
it didn't matter.

I knew that I was doing what I wanted to do
and that that was what was best for my family and I.

And it didn't matter what anyone else had to say about it.



The same goes for you and your 
authentic self and your authentic life. 

It doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks.

You just keep doing you,
because haters gonna hate.








I also have a little bit of a crazy family sometimes. 
Whose family doesn't drive them a little mad sometimes?

Here's how I learned to just go at my own pace.

Some members of my family thought it was appropriate 
to tell me that I should not get married at such a young age, 
even though they got married at the same age or younger. 

They then told me after I got married
 that I needed to finish school and not rush into having babies. 

Then when I finished school
 they were shocked that I didn't have a baby yet, 
and I felt almost harassed as they pestered me
"You do know how babies are made, right?" etc etc. 

And then when I became pregnant with twins 
when Jacob was six months old 
I got a lot of crap for that, 
because, you know, 
it was totally my choice to get pregnant with twins.....

To sum up, 
you just live your life at your own pace. 
You live your dreams at your own pace.
You do you at your pace, 
and don't worry about what anyone else has to say about it. 

Because it doesn't matter. 


It's easier said then done, 
but I'm living proof that it can be done.

Not listening to the naysayers doesn't mean you can't love them,
it just means you take what they say with a grain of salt,
and possibly avoid long conversations with them entirely...


Abuse is another matter entirely. 
If someone is abusive you need to cut all ties with that relationship
unless they are actively willing and working on changing.

I love this mom and her kid, 
they've got some great advice on how to deal with bullies.




Good luck, 
you will probably need it.

But don't worry. 
This is just another mindset that you need to learn to cultivate.
Just like an attitude of gratitude
this too will one day come easy 
if you just work on it.





***
Gratitude Journal
***

1) My dress. Just another shift dress, it was an xl and I made it fit. Again, I don't think the picture does it justice, and my sewing is not perfect...this is the end of a very very long day...

2) The kids and potty training. Potty training twins is hard. It's double the accidents, double the asking if they have to go, and double the time on the toilet... just watching them...waiting for something to happen. I love Freakonomics...and candy as incentives. 

3) We made it to Sacrament!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4) Everything I learned in church today. We learned about commandments and how you don't have to be perfect at keeping them, you just have to do your best and keep trying. The only perfect person was Christ, and that's why he was perfect because we couldn't be. So it's not the end of the world that I didn't take the Sacrament 4 weeks in a row. It hurt, I felt the spirit slowly leave my life and it became harder to keep other commandments, but just because I failed not once, not twice, but four times in a row doesn't mean that I should just give up. It isn't over. I get to try again, and through repentance be made whole. I am so grateful for my Savior , his Atonement, the gift of repentance, and the gospel/church that teaches us the commandments of God.

5) Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon. I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God, and I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet. 


Yeah, but what if I lied to you? - You wouldn't lie, Kolipoki. 

But what if I did? 

Then you've come a long way just to tell a lie. 

The Other Side Of Heaven 

John H. Groberg

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