Sometimes bills suck.
It hurts to write that mortgage check
knowing that so little goes to the principle.
When we had two car payments?
That was awful.
Oh, when we were paying for healthcare
through the nose...it was literally an arm and a leg.
But we pay them,
because we like having a roof over our heads,
we like having freedom of transportation,
and we like being able to go to the doctor if we need to.
Start Quote
[If you put off paying your bills
you're] setting in motion a cycle of misery.
Bill paying becomes a painful issue,
releasing toxic emotions that keep us locked in lack.
Of course we're not trying to stiff anybody.
All we're trying to do is make ends meet,
which seems to get harder each week.
And then when the ends don't meet, we panic...
If money doesn't make the world go round,
"services rendered" certainly does.
We can pay for those services more serenely,
even when we're strapped,
by remembering that all financial transactions
really boil down to an exchange of energy.
Someone provides us with energy in the form of
heat, light, food, gas, clothing, shelter, the ability to speak to others
over airwaves, or watch movies from the comfort of our couches.
We reciprocate by paying for those services
through energy in the form of money...
We can keep a constant flow of money in our daily round
through giving with love and paying what we owe with gratitude.
Once, in a flush season when I had
no reason to worry about money,
I created a ritual for paying bills.
At the beginning and the middle of each month,
I would set aside a half hour to quietly,
consciously settle my accounts.
I'd clear my desktop, leaving only my
bills, checkbook, calculator, envelopes, and stamps in view.
As I worked, I'd play soft, soothing music, and sip a lovely
cup of tea, and pay loving attention to what I was doing.
As a result, I actually began to enjoy the experience.
When leaner times arrived, I still relied on the
power of ritual to keep me positive.
If I was feeling frightened, I would retrieve the memories
of when I paid bills with ease, recalling the positive feelings
of plenty: well-being, peace, security, freedom.
Since our subconscious minds cannot distinguish between
reality and fantasy, I would begin to relax.
Even if my reality was not set during a season of plenty,
I gradually came to know contentment in the season of enough....
"Guard me against the arrogance of privilege,
against the indulgence of feeling
that I don't have enough,
and the poverty of spirit that refuses to
acknowledge what is daily given me,"
Gunilla Norris writes in...Being Home.
"Keep me truthful in knowing where I spend,
where my values actually are.
Let me not skip this monthly knowing.
Instruct me in judicious spending
and in gratitude with no holds barred."
End Quote
Robbie and I love mint, and it's free!
We keep every receipt and know
exactly what we spend and where.
Mint helps us stay aware of where we are,
and it's nice to check when I'm out shopping
and I forget how much I have in a certain budget.
Our goal is to look at it daily, because if you do
a little every day then it only takes a minute.
I'd rather not spend a half hour at the beginning of the month
and the middle, because for me that half hour turns into an hour.
Our ritual is to do it together.
Now I've been having a rough time with my depression
and anxiety, and so I avoid things that cause me to stress,
like looking at the budget. Robbie has been so good as to
keep up on it every day, since it only takes a minute, and
I look at it on good days, but it's a team effort.
Your budget and bill paying should be done together.
You're a team aren't you?
If bills cause you stress, try Sarah's ritual or make one of your own.
And try to think of it as an exchange of energy, not as a burden.
If you change the way you think,
you'll change the world around you.
We've got bills to pay,
we've got mouths to feed,
there ain't nothin in this world for free.
Name that tune.
***
Gratitude Journal
***
1) The last episode of season 3 of White Collar. Robbie had spoiled it for me because he started watching ahead and I've been playing catch up, but he did not prepare me for the emotions. I love when a story gets you so caught up that it actually makes you feel something, as if these characters were real, as if it is or could happen to you. So good.
2) I finished the costumes. Just don't look to closely...I finished with Robbie's last and by then I was so done I got a little sloppy. I don't think I've ever cut it this close to Halloween before. I was all prepared with the fabric at the beginning of the year, but then I just kept putting off actually making them until the beginning of October...procrastination, even if unintentional, sucks. I'm glad they're done! Now I can't wait to wear them!
3) We woke up to Jacob vomiting and having diarrhea, not pretty. But I'm very grateful: all the poop went in the toilet, and the vomit in a shirt. And we were only woken up at 5:55am, that's not too terrible.
4) I'm grateful that Jacob is feeling better. I don't think it's a bug, no fever and no more vomit. I'm hoping something just didn't agree with him and he can stop pooping his underwear tomorrow. I finally put him in a pull-up, and he went through 5 when I wasn't looking. He told me he didn't pee in them, but I'm pretty sure it was him. I don't get toddlers sometimes, I do not see the appeal to wetting yourself.
5) Robbie. He was super dad today. Both boys got up, I took Chase and he took Jacob. I laid back in bed because I thought Jacob was okay, well he wasn't. After he was done with the toilet Robbie went to put him back to bed, and that's when I heard the awful retching sound that makes you jump out of bed as if the house is on fire. I get to the bathroom, and Robbie is pulling the shirt off his back so Jacob has something to retch into. I think he just earned dad of the year for that one.
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