October 5th - Mediation

So you know how sometimes women can sync with each other? 

Sarah and I have done this so many times,

where whatever it is that she's talking about 

is exactly what I'm living.

Well, it happened again today. 

Start Quote

One morning your predictable conscious self surprises you.

The alarm rings. She shuts it off and rolls over.

Doesn't get out of bed. Shows no intention of getting dressed.

She's on strike.

Grievances have been ignored for years, maybe a lifetime.

Working conditions are intolerable.

[While my working conditions are not intolerable

because I try very hard not to make them so,

and I have been very good about not ignoring my grievances, 

the rest adequately describes my morning. 

I don't know how I got Jacob to school on time,

because I could not get out of bed.] 

Annie Dillard tells us what happens next:

"Your worker - your one and only,

your prized, coddled, and driven worker -

is not going out on that job. 

Will not budge, not even for you, boss.

Has been at it long enough to know when the air smells wrong;

can sense a tremor through boot soles.

Nonsense, you say; it is perfectly safe.

But the worker will not go. 

Will not even look at the site.

Just developed heart trouble.

Would rather starve."

Maybe you haven't burned or bummed out,

run away, landed in the hospital,

[haha, she's for real, I landed in the hospital, 

I don't think I ever shared the story...]

or had a complete nervous breakdown.

Yet...

Today you're a very lucky woman.

Don't push it.

Life with you has been as much fun as 

serving time in a Siberian labor camp...

There are labor laws 

but none to protect against self-exploitation...

The time has come for mediation as meditation. 

Get a soothing cup of comfort and think 

about your ideal working day...

Now compare the ideal with the real.

Is there any common ground?

Can you introduce one ideal element 

into your present working environment?

Few women can wave their hands and 

start an authentic life over from scratch.

But all of us can begin working with what we've got. 

Working with our real life circumstances 

is HOW we render reality perfected. 

Perfection is unattainable. 

"Perfected" is possible. 

Today, begin a little creative collective bargaining 

between choice and circumstances...

Creating an authentic working style 

is a long-term goal worth the wait. 

End Quote

So I didn't want to get out of bed. 

And without even reading today's page yet,

I already knew what I had to do.

Today I had to do something I loved.

So because I was exhausted, I skipped workout.

And before an errand I had to do and before I picked Jacob up from school, I did a craft. I painted my pumpkin, and I glitterfied my bats.

 And then I read a book during lunch, and put a movie on for the kids while I laid on the couch. After piano lessons it was go go go to get ready for a memorial service at 6 o'clock and have dinner ready, which I was smart enough to have left overs. Then I had a lovely chat with my cousin who was babysitting, and then watched an episode of The Blacklist with Robbie. 

Today started horribly, I didn't want to do anything, 

and ended up being a perfectly lovely day.

Because I mediated. 

In order to do the things I had to do, 

I had to do some things that I wanted to do. 

Negotiations in my head were not pretty, 

I basically told myself if I didn't do the fun stuff

there was no way anything else was getting done.

I think it was less of a negotiation and more or a hostage situation.

Just another way to learn to take care of yourself.

***

Gratitude Journal

***

1) Shelby. I miss her so much, but I'm so grateful for what she taught me and what the experience of losing her has taught me.

2) The gospel. I'm so grateful for my testimony that families can be together forever. At the service tonight, every single person said that they know they will see their children again and be with them in heaven...but The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only church that actively teaches that principle, and the way to get there through the priesthood and temples. Everyone believes it though, because it rings with truth, and your spirit will recognize truth if you listen. 

3) Valley Children's and everyone that works there. They are truly amazing.

4) Nana. I loved hearing her stories tonight. I'll have to share them sometime with you, but since I'm about to pass out you'll have to wait for some other time. Not to mention she saved my butt during my errand today. Thank you Nana for having eight dollars in quarters to pay the bill.

5) My cousin. She is the sweetest most adorable creature I know, and I get all giddy and excited because she's in such an exciting part of her life. She is awesome, and I'm grateful that she's not just my family, she's my friend.