I thought the road to hell was paved with good intentions...

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The road to hell is paved by perfectionists 

working with grains of sand.

Uh-oh...missed a spot...

Like workaholism, aspiring to be Little Miss Perfect

is an addiction of low self-worth.

When we were young, nothing we did was ever good enough,

so we just kept on doing until doing was all we could do.

When doing more and more didn't make a difference, 

we thought if we did our work perfectly,

we'd hit the mark.

When we did, suddenly voices other than our own sang our praises.

It sounded like the Heavenly hosts.

Champagne or chocolate couldn't begin to compare 

with the ecstasy of genuine compliments. 

We're creatures who live by our senses, 

and since the response we got for perfection felt wonderful

- even if for only ten seconds -

we wanted to repeat the experience.

So we committed to doing everything perfectly,

setting in motion a cycle of self-destruction that 

frequently felt as comfortable as a straitjacket.

Still, the pursuit of perfection is the opiate of choice 

for millions of women.

I could tell you to stop reading the magazines, 

watching the videos, and going to the movies 

that continuously reinforce our belief that perfection is possible, 

but you're not going to listen to me.

Instead, next time you see a gorgeous woman 

on the cover of a magazine, a room to die for, 

or a meal that would take a professional chef 

a week to prepare, begin to chant,

"You're not real. You're not real. You're not real.

I refuse to grant you the power to make me miserable."...

The woman, 

 

the room, 

 

and the meal 

 

that are depicted to inspire

(but that really diminish us)

are illusions conjured up by professionals 

paid handsomely to manipulate reality.

Once a close friend gave me a priceless gift. 

She convinced me that my sanity

 is much more important 

than the subtle nuances that I adore.

The subtle nuances are the essence of perfection.

The subtle nuances trigger the "Ah" response. 

But life spent seeking the subtle nuances 

leaves little time to enjoy the big picture. 

Now, as a recovering perfectionist,

I try to leave the subtle nuances to Spirit, 

who shows off better than I do...

A point worth pondering:

Upon completing the Universe, 

the Great Creator pronounced it "very good." 

Not "perfect."

End Quote

If you missed conference, 

listen to Elder Holland's talk on perfection. 

I have come to know that we 

CANNOT BE PERFECT.

It is impossible in this lifetime, 

and it is impossible alone.

Why set yourself up to an impossible standard?

I am a recovering perfectionist.

What I chant to myself every time an evil thought comes to mind

about how something I did isn't good enough,

I chant "I did the best I could with what I had.
I like it, I'm glad I did it."

One thing that I've learned over the years in playing the piano

is that you will never play a piece perfectly.

There are probably some out there who are so good

that they never make a mistake, but it is not the case for me.

So I tell myself and I tell my students,

you just do your best. If you put in the work,

and you ask God for his help, 

then your best will be good enough.

If you have problems giving up being a perfectionist

or have problems accepting that you are enough,

you should pray for help. 

I know that God is more than willing

to help you with this trial.

***

Gratitude Journal

***

1) Tuesday was much better than Monday.

2) Cousins and playdates.

3) I was like I'm just going to throw dinner together, and it actually tasted good. I felt like a real chef. It helps that soup is easy to make and hard to mess up, and then you freeze half and you still have leftovers for the week. Win, win, win.

4) Piano lessons. I love teaching my students. There was this one page that she said she was never going to be able to get, and I kept telling her to start practicing on the micro level...start with one measure, and if that's too difficult start with the first beat and then the second etc. She got it! Today she played it for me "perfectly", and I told her I want you to remember this page for the rest of your life, because the next time you think you can't do something you just remember that with time and effort you can. It's super awesome.

5) Nap time. 

October 2nd - Workaholics

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Like a phantom lover, 

work charms, cajoles, comforts, and caresses.

Our work - especially if it's our grand passion -

can be so seductive that we can find ourselves 

completely caught up in its rapture, unable to resist.

[She makes it sound wonderful, doesn't she?]

However, work doesn't have to be a grand passion 

for us to be swept away;

an infatuation can just as conveniently distract us 

from whatever is disappointing, disagreeable, 

or disturbing elsewhere in our lives.

When you simply can't deal with real life,

a fax that needs to be answered immediately

can be a fine friend.

The ultimate seduction is often accompanied 

by the ultimate addictions:

workaholism and perfectionism.

What makes these two reckless behavior patterns so dangerous 

is that they're sanctioned, supported, and sustained 

by a society still shackled to the Puritan work ethic. 

The Puritans frowned on anything enjoyable, 

believing that God's favor could be achieved only by 

grueling struggle, stringent self-discipline, 

and backbreaking work...

[And while struggle, self-discipline, and work 

are necessary for success,]

Spirit can't use us to heal the world 

if we can't heal ourselves.

I and many of my friends are workaholics.

Even kryptonite can't stop us.

For years, we've all vehemently denied it.

Now, in conversations, we're able to admit

"tendencies toward," much the way an 

alcoholic admits to being a social drinker.

 These tendencies include 

• working long hours during the week;
• bringing work home with you on the weekends and vacations;
•  turning on the computer after the kids are in bed;
• sneaking in work, one way or another, seven days a week;
• referring to the perusal of contracts as "reading" 
• canceling dates with friends and family to finish up "one more thing";
• postponing pleasure until a deadline is met;
• carrying a cellular phone;
• installing a fax at the beach condo;
• starting one project before finishing another;
• letting work interrupt precious private or family time...
• and squeezing the only "vacations" into business trips...

 

 

 If you hear yourself frequently muttering under your breath,

"This is insane,"

the time has come to quietly scrutinize your working style...

Start small. 

Be sneaky.

Think baby steps.

The same savvy that got you into this mess

can help you escape.

 

Take the work home but don't open the briefcase.

Turn on the answering machine during dinner and in the evening.

Take a day off every two weeks...

When we succumb to workaholism, 

what's really happening is that we've lost faith 

in Spirit's willingness to help us achieve success.

We've separated the secular from the spiritual.

Asking for grace doesn't seem as practical 

as working around the clock.

 

When was the last time Spirit accompanied you to work?

When was the last time you asked It to?

End Quote 

 

 

 

You have to remember,

it's all connected. 

Everything about you and your life is connected.

 

You have to keep an eternal perspective.

 

If you're a workaholic, why?

Are you distracting yourself 

or do you just love it so much 

you put everything else 

you love in jeopardy?

There must be balance in your life.

you have to figure it out.

 

This is something I have to work on every single day.

I would love to just work on a project until it was finished,

completely ignoring everything else.

It takes a lot of effort to put something down

and go do other things I need to do. 

I'm 50/50. Part of me longs for the distraction,

the other part loves work that isn't laundry or cleaning.

 

I know you can do it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

***

Gratitude Journal

***

 

1) I'm grateful that I survived this day and didn't kill anyone.

 

2) I'm grateful for my friend. She helps me exercise and helps keep me accountable, and when I start to complain she reminds me about all the things I apparently have forgotten...I was complaining about how there's always too much to do and too little time, and I just went off on all the things that "had" to get done or that I wanted done, like yesterday, and all the things that I didn't want to do, like make dinner. She was so sweet, she just listened (even though she was probably thinking I was a little crazy), and then offered to bring me dinner. I about cried. It was delicious, and I'm so grateful for her.

 

3) FHE. We watched the scripture video about Nephi building the boat and I had the thought that Nephi was pretty amazing. His brothers tried to kill him how many times? And yet he still was able to forgive them not once, not twice, but many times. FOR TRYING TO KILL HIM! Honestly...something to look up to.

 

4) Patience. I'm grateful for patience. I needed it today. The kids were full blown crazy, literally crying and whining all day and yelling and hitting and Riley was taking her diaper off and peeing everywhere..........................I had to take a lot of deep breathes and take a few ibuprofen because of the headaches. I love them, but oh my goodness.

 

5) Today is done. I'm so grateful that I survived today. I did two loads of laundry, I finished a chore, I exercised, I made breakfast and lunch, I tried to sell the stroller and the lady didn't show and wouldn't return my call or text and so I tried really hard to give her the benefit of the doubt instead of thinking that she's an awful person and if she didn't want the stroller all she had to do was say so instead of stringing me along and save me some gas...And then I thought oh hey lets do something fun today so I tried to work on Jacob's costume, and I cut crooked...I think I can fix it, but I'm sad it's not as perfect as it could have been...and the spirit was telling me to take a break and I didn't listen...I'm just so glad today is done. I'm ready for bed and for Tuesday to be here already.

October 1st - Burnout

We've talked about what happens when we

don't strive to be authentic 

or to have balance in our lives.

When we don't take care of ourselves, 

we will not be able to take care others.

There was a whole day dedicated to it,

Enough is Enough. 

Today we're talking about it again

and I want to share it in full

because I fear many of us are in great danger of it.

"My candle burns at both ends;

It will not last the night."

-Edna St. Vincent Millay  

 Start Quote

Setting the world on fire comes with risks. 

Unfortunately we usually don't realize this 

until smoke gets in our eyes. 

Burnout is a condition caused by unbalance:

too much work or responsibility,

too little time to do it,

over too long a period.

We've been cruising in the fast lane 

but we've been running on fumes rather than on fuel. 

Often we think that burnout is something

 that just happens to other women

- workaholics and perfectionists. 

But careaholics are also at risk

- women who care deeply about their 

children, work, relationships, parents, 

siblings, friends, communities, issues. 

This sounds like every woman I know.

Perhaps we would pay more attention to burnout 

if it were are dramatic as a heart attack.

But a smoldering flame can be just as deadly as a flash fire.

Sometime burnout manifests itself as a sense of 

complete exhaustion at the end of a project 

that has taken months of challenging and intense work. 

Taking a week off to rest, then resuming work 

at a slower pace is usually enough to 

bring about a speedy recovery. 

But first-degree burnout 

- the soul snuffer -

comes from living unbalanced for years;

when what was supposed to be a temporary situation 

becomes a lifestyle.

Burnout often begins with illness

- anything from a bout of flu you can't shake

to chronic fatigue syndrome -

and is usually accompanied by depression.

Sometimes burnout is hard to distinguish 

from a creative dry spell,

especially if you're good at denial,

which most women are.

It's burnout when you go to bed exhausted every night 

and wake up tired every morning 

- when no amount of sleep refreshes you, 

month after weary month.

It's burnout when everything becomes too much effort:

combing your hair, going out to dinner,

visiting friends for the weekend, 

even going on vacation.

It's burnout when you can't believe, 

under any circumstances, 

that you'll ever want to make love again.

It's burnout when you find yourself cranky all the time,

bursting into tears or going into 

fits of rage at the slightest provocation. 

It's burnout when you dread the next phone call. 

It's burnout when you feel trapped and hopeless, 

unable to dream, experience pleasure,

or find contentment.

It's burnout when neither big thrills nor little moments 

have the power to move you -  

when nothing satisfies you because 

you haven't a clue what's wrong or how to fix it. 

Because everything's wrong.

Because something is terribly out of whack:

YOU.

It's burnout when you feel there is not one other person 

on the face of the earth who can help you. 

And you're right.

When you're suffering from burnout, 

YOU are the only person on earth who can help

because you're the only one who can 

make the lifestyle changes that need to be made:

to call a halt, to take a slower path, to make a detour.

When you have no strength left, 

you have no choice but to rely on the strength of a 

saner Power to restore you to Wholeness. 

 End Quote

Robbie was really great today, saving me from burnout. 

I worked out way too hard on Thursday, 

and the funny thing is I only did half the workout,

so much so that I still hurt today!

My body was tired, I was tired spiritually, 

and I suddenly didn't feel well. 

I slept for three hours, missing the last hour of morning conference.

Like slept, like I was out,

and I still didn't feel well when I woke up. 

So after an hour or so Robbie looked at me and told me

"if you're not feeling well, we can go home early." 

We put the kids to bed, I'm finishing up my blog, 

and I'm going to take it easy and go take a bath. 

It's okay that you can't do 

everything for everyone. 

Take a deep breath, 

if you're burnt out take a good look at your life

and figure out how to fix it. 

If you're close to being burned, 

take a deep breath and take a break. 

Even though it is you that must do this,

and you alone,

you are not alone. 

Christ knows exactly what you're going through

because he did not just suffer for our sins

he also suffered for our pains and afflictions.

He knows you, and he can help you,

if you come unto him. 

***

Gratitude Journal

***

1) Conference. I learned so much this weekend.

2) My family. Robbie and my mom, instead of giving me grief about not staying for family dinner, just tried to take care of me. I really appreciate them.

3) I'm going to go take a bath...and read a book. Boy do I need it.

4) Elder Robert D. Hales.

5) It's October! I had Halloween decorations out a week ago ;)

This is the weekend that we realized 

how sick Shelby was last year.  

We didn't know she was dying until 

a few days before we let her go,  

but in hindsight she was already dying.

Her brain stem was already being crushed 

by the fluid pressure.

That was the last time I got to see her lucid

and actually talk to her.

She was scared, she was in pain,

and she didn't want to be a burden. 

These next couple months are going to be hard on me,

so if I'm a little short, or forgetful, 

please forgive me.

It feels like I'm reliving it all over again.